silent night should not be the way we talk about sex-blogpostA short time ago, I was in the car with my mom, my kids, and my wife Jeanette, and we started talking about sex. My kids are 9 and 11, and the only uncomfortable one in the car was my mother. I understand she’s from a different generation, but it still made me wonder why she had never told me that she and my dad had waited until their wedding night to have sex. That would have been great information to know growing up!

But then again most parents never talked to their kids about sex back then. And it’s still a challenge even today.

What I have also learned is that most husbands and wives don’t talk about sex with each other, either.

I have also noticed we tend not to talk about our married-life sex with our friends or anyone else.


Because we are Christians and we are embarrassed?
Because we feel some sort of shame?
Because we don’t have sex worth talking about?
Because sex is a private thing?
Because it makes us uncomfortable?

Look, I believe married folks should be having the best sex out of anyone (Tweet This!) and unfortunately, what I have seen is that people having casual sex prior to marriage or outside of marriage seem to be having all the good sex! Or at least they’re the ones talking about it.

Jeanette and I shot a 12-part video series last month with our friends Dave and Ashley Willis called Best Sex Life Now, and the whole topic was, obviously, SEX. MY wife doesn’t speak publicly and has only done one other video for XXXchurch in 12 years, so for her to do this was a big deal. So I asked her why she agreed to do this series:

Being around a ministry where we constantly deal with the breakdown of marriages, I have gotten to see firsthand that a lot of it boils down to sex. There are a lot of individuals in this world that have a distorted view of sex because of pornography, church, how they were brought up, or their past, and there are also a lot of women who just don’t put much effort into having sex with their husbands. Because I am constantly surrounded by these reminders, I’ve tried harder and made sex a priority, and it’s paid off for both of us. Even so, I wish I could have watched a video series on this topic when we were first married. I hope that people can watch it and walk away feeling like they have some things to process and to reach for. Trust me, ladies: a great sex life can be obtained.

I believe this could be the greatest gift you give your spouse this Christmas. (Tweet This!) Or this could be the greatest gift you give to a close friend or married family member. Yes, it might be a bit uncomfortable, and someone might ask you, “Why do you think I need this?” That’s okay. This stuff is important, and a little awkwardness doesn’t make it any less important.

We are selling the Best Sex Life Now course for $97. It is an online course, where you can watch it as you go and come back to it at any point, and we’ve also created a downloadable workbook which helps you have follow-up conversations and work through some things after you watch each 10 minute video. You can check it out at

We’re serious about making marriages better, and we’re even more serious about helping you help others do just that. Now’s the time to act and help change someone’s marriage for the better this holiday season.