Letter to myself:
Dear Sex Addict,
You always said that when you got too close to the cliff, you would slow down and stop. You haven’t, but you can. Little by little porn has taken more and more ground in your life – you have eroded your moral sands one night at a time. Things that repulsed you, your small-scale innocent YouTube titillations – have become fully fledged pornographic videos.
You don’t need to hide it any more – it isn’t who you are. It is a symptom of a problem, but it is not the problem.
Your anxiousness you run from, your fear you numb, the feeling like you cannot be free, that you will always lie to yourself – it has no power. From this day i walk in the word and “consider myself dead to sin.” From now on i have a new owner, i have a new redeemer, i have a new way of living.
a) I will not lie. To myself, to my family, to my friends, to my workmates, to my customers, and most importantly to my wife.
b) When i do lie, i will go immediately and confess it before God and then tell the truth – regardless of the consequences.
c) I will get up every morning and do a Bible Study, listen and seek God’s still small voice.
d) When i fail to do that, i will do it in the evening. (Remember it’s not that i have to interact with God – it is that i GET to interact with God)
e) I will pray with my wife every day.
Change is about taking a different road, but not focusing on that road – instead slowly and surely forgetting your way back.
Change is about not feeding the dog any more, but focusing on the rest of your life in God, not just the dog food. (Also to that end: strong recommendation not to buy the dog food or keep it in your house).
All of these are actions to take based on the realities of my live a SON of the living God and he says:
a) I – belong to God. (1 Corinthians 6:20)
b) I – am a citizen of Heaven. (Philippians 3:20)
c) I – have redemption. (Ephesians 1:8)
d) I – am sealed with the promised holy spirit. (Ephesians 1:13)
e) I – am a dwelling for the holy spirit. (Ephesians 2:22)
f) I – know there is a purpose to my sufferings. (Ephesians 3:13)
g) I – am dead to sin. (Romans 1:12)
h) I – am not alone. (Hebrews 13:5)
i) God loves – ME.
j) Jesus is praying for me. (John 17:20-23)
And all of these I’s are made possible with the help of the one most high, worthy of all praise, the creator, the savior, the beginning, the end, the constant, the contentment, and the greatest hope and promise of all as i walk through this world – to my home.
Letter from my sex addict:
You think you will change? This is just another fleeting splash in the pan (and the pan is nice and hot). I think you will forget, i think your resolve will erode, i think your knuckles are white and you may be safe now but you can’t hold on. I think you are going to forget about the pain, heartbreak, the suffering, the despair, the loneliness this causes and let yourself be drawn in again. I think you will look for a way around this – to cheat it. It will take more of you than you are willing to give – you will be numbed and lose care, lose love, lose emotion, lose hope.
Unfaithfully Yours,
S.A.