Letter to myself:
Sex Addict Me,
I have lived as a slave to you for far too long. My struggles with lust, pornography, and masturbation started as a young boy. Every time I think I can do it on my own but just as soon as I say, “never again”, I come running right back to pornography and you. You have consumed my every thought for years., made me do things I never thought I would do, and haunted me day and night.
You’ve effected my relationship with my family, friends, and my loving girlfriend. Every time I fall for you, I feel empty and ashamed. You effect my ability to worship God and lead in this world. My beautiful girlfriend desperately needs me to be a spiritual leader for her but I feel powerless when I know that you have me in chains. Because of you I cannot be the man God has called me to be. With you in my life, I am still a sex addicted boy and will never reach my full potential until I get you out of my life.
I have plans of proposing to my lovely girlfriend soon but the fear that I am trapped in my sex addiction makes me worry that we’ll never make it. How can I love my wife as long as you are around or how can I be a spiritual leader when you are right there haunting my every move. How can I teach my boys to respect, love, protect, and cherish girls when my actions say the exact opposite. Or even more so, how can I raise godly daughters and teach them what a real man is like when their daddy is abusing women with his thoughts and actions and isn’t a real man himself.
You are a liar. You promise to bring satisfaction and pleasure but all you give is sadness, despair, guilt, and shame. because of you I struggle to honor my girlfriend and respect her purity. I constantly push the limits with her and put her in situations that she doesn’t deserve. You have crushed me for too long. But now I will crush you with the power that my Savior Jesus Christ gives me. I know that I can be more than a conqueror with Jesus as Lord over all of my life.
Enough is enough! Your rule over my life has come to an end. You are not king or master of me. Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior of my life, and I am giving Him back his rightful place on the throne. I will pursue righteousness in all areas of my life and cast off any sin that easily entangles me. I will commit to reading my Bible daily and spending time in prayer with God throughout each day. I will seek out real accountability, and stop lying to those who are there to help me. I will not allow my self to be setup for failure and keep my self away from tempting situations.
I know that with Christ all things are possible.
Letter from my sex addict:
Hey Low Down Loser,
You are a joke. Seriously, your words are just empty, feel good sayings. You know you don’t mean what you say. You’re weak talk disgusts me. I laugh at your pitiful words. You know you can’t make it with out me and I know that too. Give it 24 hours, maybe, and you’ll come crawling back to me. If we took a bet I would be very rich man.
You can’t do this. I know you far too well. I know all of your secrets, the ones nobody knows. Imagine for a second if I decided to expose those to everyone. Think about the destruction it would cause in your life. It would all be over for you, loser. You know that girlfriend of yours, if she knew the truth about you, not the false image you give her, she would dump you in a heart beat. Your family and friends they would leave you quicker than sex addict running back to porn, which is exactly what you are. Although nobody knows the “true Ryan”, the fact is you are sex addict first and foremost and that’s all you will ever be. I OWN YOU!
Honestly, I’m not even worried about it because I know you’ll be back and you’ll never be able to get rid of me. Have fun with that though. I’m sure you’ll do really well with your so called “commitments”, NOT.
Don’t even think about changing because you can’t. Your stuck with me for life. God can’t help you with this, no one can help you with this. You’re all alone. That’s what you always say, and it’s true. Your struggles are too deep and they’ll never be defeated. Keep on wishing, big boy. As soon as the opportunity to sin comes, you know you’ll give in. One day I’ll ruin. But until then we will be “best friends”.