Again?

Letter to myself:

Attention, addict,

It’s time to stop. I’m a new man, and I don’t belong to you anymore. I belong to Jesus Christ. His precious blood has washed me clean. His Spirit lives inside me. He’s come to make me whole. I don’t need you to feel complete. God is going to fill the emptiness inside me. Of course, He first has to burn away all the filth that you tried to fill me with. He’s going to set you on fire, and you’re going to die. And then He’s going to blow away your ashes and fill me with His Spirit, and all the wonderful gifts that come with having Him inside me.
He will burn up your lust and replace it with love.
He’ll burn up your desperation and replace it with contentment.
He’ll burn up your guilt and replace it with peace.
He’ll replace your demandingness with patience.
Your self-centeredness with kindness.
Your darkness with goodness.
Lukewarmness with faithfulness.
Pride with meekness.
And no longer will you be in control, because with the power of God’s Holy Spirit, I will be in control.
I will be able to think for myself, and I will be able to do what I know I should do, instead of disregarding all the lessons I’ve learned and messing up again for no good reason. I’m not as stupid as you make me out to be. I know what I’m doing. I know that this needs to stop, and I know I can’t be lax about this. So now I’m going to focus. But it’s not me who’s going to defeat you, my God is going to smite you. So be afraid. You will be a mere anecdote when He’s through with you.

Goodbye,
Hayden

Letter from my sex addict:

Yeah, you’ve tried to shake me like a million times before. You’ve been a Christian your whole life, don’t act like this is something new. Anyways, you like being a sex addict. Yeah, think back to some of your past relationships. What are your most fond memories about them?
The sexual conversations, the flirting. Discovering that you weren’t alone in your obsession with sex. Making her blush and giggle, getting those naughty pictures, discovering her wild side, discovering your own wild side at the same time. She loved it, she wanted it. Remember? Of course you remember, you’ve never been able to forget it. “I want this now,” she said. And then she started to feel guilty, and SHE broke it off. Then she tore you apart and made you feel like a monster.
So you tried another girl, and thought you could do it without me. But gradually you let me back in, and what did you get out of it? An amazing first kiss, and plenty of amazing kisses after that. But you started to doubt me, and you thought you would protect her by letting her go. We remember how that went, don’t we? Remember what she said a couple years later, when she found a new man? “He calls me sexy… You never did anything like that.”
You missed your chance. So you found another girl. You had some fun with her, didn’t you? Finally someone who was willing to do more than just talk. How did you like making her squirm and shake with pleasure? Don’t you remember the intimacy you had, just sitting on her bed topless? Or cuddling in your underwear? You suppress the memories because you want to deny how happy they make you.
Even when she dumped you, you couldn’t give me up. I even let you have some fun without all the hard work of dating someone. You remember, the online girls, cybersex. The sexting with friends. Staying up from dusk until dawn just having fun, flirting. You’ve heard it countless times, “You’re so good!” You know you are, too. Wouldn’t it be tragic if no girl ever got to experience the pleasure you can give again? We make a good team, why give me up?
And when the sexting intrigued one girl to the point of desperately wanting to meet up, boy that was quite a night, wasn’t it? Sure there were some flaws, some things that didn’t go the way you wanted them to. Why not try again, with someone else? That’s what everyone else does. Just remember all the things you heard that night. “You’re so good.” Remember? Four times that evening. You had your fun, tried all kinds of positions, rested in each other arms, went at it again, rested again, four times in all. She couldn’t get enough! Remember? “I can’t get enough of you; Just one more ride.”
Look at your most recent relationship. Remember the passion she had at the beginning? Your first kiss, as soon as your lips touched she melted in your arms. That Valentine’s day when you made out on her bed. Or later, on your bed, when she closed the door, sat on your lap, wrapped her arms around you, kissed your neck. What happened to her passion? Didn’t you notice that after you two promised to stop touching each other, that was when you started drifting apart? That was when she started growing distant, and eventually wanted to just be friends? That’s what happens. It was a “noble” attempt, but it failed. You tried to pull that stunt before, why did you think it would work this time? Maybe there’s nothing you can do. Relationships just don’t work out for you. Either you have fun and eventually break up, or you pour out your heart and soul for her, sacrifice everything, suffer for her, and eventually break up. Why are you doing this to yourself?

See you soon