Letter to myself:
Dear Me,
You have been struggling with porn for too long and now it is time to trust God and see you can be truly free. Yea, you started much too young and had to deal with unspeakable pain due to the curiosity invoked, but that is just another reason to give up porn. So you can fully heal. Just as he hurt and abused you, you are doing this to yourself now. Porn has become one of your crutches to feel good. But it doesn’t last. It never does, and then you are sinking back into your depression and fear. He devalued you, but you devalue YOURSELF with lust. Sex and porn have powerful effects over you, but GOD is so much more powerful. And loving. And fulfilling. Now is the time to act. Be honest with your counselor, husband, and accountability partner. By what they have already gone through with you, you have proof that they are they to HELP and ENCOURAGE you, and that they do so willingly. You are among loving friends. You and your husband deserve intimacy, which is something you have always craved but have been unable to fully achieve. Delve into scripture and learn how to overcome EVERYTHING that has become a stronghold in your life. Go to church not out of duty, but out of desire to grow spiritually. As you lean into these positive, uplifting things, your desire for porn will eventually lessen. It will NOT be easy. But. It CAN be done and overcome. Remember 2nd Corinthians 10:4-5 and 1st Corinthians 10:13. These are important verses you have been given. You are a fighter, so fight for yourself. Fight to be better. Become who God intends you to be.
Letter from my sex addict:
Yea, yea, it’s wrong and is technically cheating…but doesn’t it make you feel good? Feel wanted and desired? Maybe it’ll eventually make you wanted and desired…but as a disclaimer, probably not the way you want. Just like before. I’m stronger than you can ever hope to be. You can’t fight me and win. You usually start the day pretty confident with yourself, but at the end you come crawling back with raging lust, among other things. Be prepared to hate yourself longer because I’m gonna fight even harder as this goes, just to pull you back down into your fear, depression, and self loathing (because we both know this is where it always heads). As a woman you have even more reason to hide this, by the way. You have to look respectful with appearances to keep, not like some whore who is always willing to give no matter how cheap. I’m too strong for you, just like he was. Remember, you are too weak. So I’ll be here, waiting on the side of your bed until your husband goes to work and you fail again.