Letter to myself:
I know you have struggled, of all your bad habits & addictions, there were those 3 that started it all. How sad is it that you were only in the 2nd grade when they started. You embraced them for a time not knowing any better. Each growing like some wild beast slowly & surely demanding more time, more money, more of your soul.
Thank God for 2011, a very painful year but you decided to finally & truly follow God. Despite everything that happened, & what those old friends said & did against you, you still made a life changing choice, the best you’ve ever made. From January to your re-baptism on that faithful 5th of November, God guided & strengthened you. At first reading the bible was like reading hieroglyphics. So you read Mere Christianity, various daily devotionals, & other christian books until you finally were able to hear that still quiet voice from God. Then finally those words that God gave to the world came alive. & in that time God helped you conquer the first beast. That time was the happiest you have ever known. You took a stand for God & made true life long friends, But then your study abroad term in Australia was coming to an end, it was time to go back home, but you went back a better man.
It didn’t take long after for the devil to attack, for you to realize that the other 2 beasts were greater & more terrible then the first. But God took you that far & promised to be with you to the end. Even though it seemed like a daunting & nearly impossible task you pressed on, & you struggled & fell many times. You picked yourself up, or perhaps you just let God pick up, & you kept moving forward. It has been a long hard road, & it wasnt until earlier this year that you had any long lasting victory against the 2nd beast.
I wont lie to you, this last one is the worst, you know this to be true. Most victories in the past ended with an equal or greater binge. But do not lose hope, with every beast God has guided you in victory over, you have grown gaining strength, courage, & integrity. God has been forming in you everything you need for this next battle. This battle will be the hardest, longest, & most painful. Assaults from this beast come at you nearly everyday, some times entire days.
I pray with fervent tears that you rely on God more then you ever have for this next task. & don’t be afraid to seek help from another person if you need it.
God bless & God speed
Letter from my sex addict:
Yes indeed it has been a long hard journey. I remember the whole idea seemed ridiculous at first, On one hand I kept thinking why left the church & God in the first place many years before. But on the other I knew deep down that I couldn’t keep going the way I was. So I started this journey, at first I just wanted a sense of peace, I figured I wasn’t going to heaven. I even prayed that God would just ease what ever pain I would have to suffer in hell. I was in a dark place in that point in my life. I am eternally grateful that God brought me from that to were I am today. So much has happened since then, so many times I felt like giving up, like it was impossible. But I learned that God can do anything, & I think im am starting to truly understand the phrase “God is good, all the time”.
I could never thank God enough for everything he has done for me & everything he has taught me. Ive come to believe that it is far better to struggle & suffer with God by your side, then to live blissfully without God.
so now here I am, faced with 1 dying beast & 1 very vicious beast. I never even thought I would get to this point in my life. Though I still have a very long way to go, im glad im here. Its almost been 4 days since I last used. It hasnt been easy, but I pray & ask God for he’s strength & endurance every day. I often wonder if the struggle is greater for those who are single like me then for those who are married.
As far as seeking help, I will if necessary. But It will be a very long time, if ever again, before I share details of my struggles with any one ever again. I trust God, but other people, not so much. I will pray on this, & perhaps in time I may find someone in which I can share everything without fear of it being used against me. But until then, it will be God & myself on this journey.
God bless & God speed