Letter to myself:

So, here you are. You now realize you need help. This addiction to pornography has cost you. It cost you two relationships. Its cost you years of happiness, memories that you will never know, children with the women you loved that you’ll never have, the marriages that you won’t know, so much….so much you’ve lost. Pornography has plagued you for so long, cost you so much, why don’t you just stop? Why don’t you just give it up? Look at what you’re doing to yourself. You need to stop this…you need to stop lying to yourself that you’re okay. You’re not. Don’t you want to fell happy again? Feel good about yourself? Feel proud…You need help before this gets worse. You never masturbated, even when you were using in your early days. Now, you can’t go a day without porn and masturbation. You need to stop…stop…please…please that person you want to be, have to be, need to be. Before it’s too late…too late…it’s not too late…yet.

Letter from my sex addict:

Never thought I’d get here…Am I happy? Am I proud of myself? Did I stay clean the 30 days? If I can do this for 30, can I do it for 60…90…120….1200….maybe…there’s hope I guess…there’s hope that I won’t lose out of memories that I could have, happiness I could have, joy I could have, love I could have…love…now I can start to love myself again…for once.