Letter to myself:

Hey, dude. I know you, I know that you feel in a prison, and that you can’t get out if it. And that’s true, you can’t. Not by your own at least, unless you let God help you and you set up limits. Remember your life is not yours anymore, and you can’t live you life how you want because is just not yours anymore. Now you live for Jesus, You gave your life to him. You committed to follow him no matter what and He knew you were going to deal with some stuff including this, and is just part of the process. I don’t know how, because I am actually you and I feel that I can’t get out of this one, but this is not about my weakness including my addiction, this is about his strength and his power to set me free from this crap. He is the creator, the King of kings, he knows everything from me, spiritually talking and physically talking as well. Don’t think of the magnitud of this, think of the God’s magnitude, which, my dear me, is bigger than anything you can think about.

Letter from my sex addict:

Hey. man. I feel sad, and guilty, and sinful, and very bad, I’m so scared of what this will bring into my relationship with my girlfriend, but I know I don’t want this anymore. I’ve been addicted for maybe four years now, but since 2014 it hasn’t been daily how it used to. One time every month or less I watch pornography and masturbate. God told me already to stop, he is expecting me to stop, I know. I just need the way and I hope I found it. I know Jesus is the only way, I just don’t really know what that means in this case. That’s the weird thing. I study the Bible a lot, people even think I’m kind of a theologian. God has been taking me to places I never thought I would be. I am leading a ministry with other friends, I am leading the spiritual life of the worship band, and God has been reveling me more of his word and his heart within. With my life nobody would think I could be a porn addict, but I am. I am really trying to get out of this crappy life, like I seriously try and every day I try and it has been less than it used to, but is still here. Sometimes I lose hope, I mean look at the guy I am, the things I’m supposed to be doing, the people I’m supposed to be leading! And I am involved in this crap? How can I run away from this? I seriously don’t know what else to do. I talk to God and I talk to friends about this, and sooner or later it will come back again and beat me.

I am afraid for this several things:
1.- I want to glorify him. Jesus deserves to be glorified in my life. Which I’m not doing, doing this crap.
2.- I have a ministry, and I want to dedicate my life to ministry and I seriously don’t want to lose the chances God had given me. I want to be a missionary, to reach the unreached. And I can’t do that if I am involved in this crap.
3.- I love a girl, she is such a follower of Christ and she would leave me if God wanted to, that’s how I know she’s worth it. But she doesn’t deserve a guy like me. I want to change for her as well. She makes a better person in my walk with Jesus, and she has been with me when it’s hard and when it’s cool.
I know you know all of this, because you are me, but I want you to think in all the things I’ve said already, and recognize that if you have all of that is because the grace of God, and because you choose to follow him and serve him, so you have to seriously do that and leave this crap.

I can’t really join into the things this page recommend me because is to expensive for me, But God knows that, if anybody reads this please pray. I am writing this sad, and desperate.