Letter to myself:

Dear Addict,

You have destroyed my life. You have not destroyed me the way I hear about in group or in videos or anything like that. You have not done it in any of the ways I was told or believe you would. You destroyed my life by telling me lies and making me believe what is not true: that I am horrible and cannot be accepted. You told me that I need you and I will not be able to do it on my own. I believed your lies that I am too weak to beat you. I believed you. It’s high time that I stop believing you. I will tell you exactly how I am going to do that.

I will believe what God says about me and not you
1. I am loved
2. I am worthy.
3. I don’t need to keep everything to myself because I am accepted.
4. I don’t need to be afraid because he defends me.
5. I don’t need you because he provides for me.
6. I need Him above all other things.

I will be Honest
1. I will confess all of what I have done to Luke. (The fear that comes with that statement is paralyzing but I will not let it stop me.)
2.I will not lie about you.
3. I will confess any temptation immediately.

I will be Strong
1. By reading God’s word and praying daily.
2. By making daily calls to someone who is there to help me.
3. I will make Jason my accountability partner and I will not let it fail by calling him daily.
4. By attending CR weekly for these 30 days.
5. I will finish the 4th step

I will not allow you to win this time. I know you have heard it all before and I know I have let you back in before. I am not backing down this time. I will make this happen because I know what you will do to me and to all I love if I don’t. I want to help other people beat you but I need to beat you myself first.

This has been a long and hard road to go down with you. But the road is over. We have reached the end and it is time for me to leave you behind. I will no longer count on you for love, happiness, or escape. I will myself for who I am (no matter how difficult that sounds). God made me for a reason and that reason is not to be trapped by you. YOU WILL NO LONGER CONTROL ME!!!!!!!

Letter from my sex addict:

Dear fighter,

I understand that you are asking for a fight from me. I am stronger than you and you know that. I have been on top of you for as long as you can remember. You started your fight with me when you were 6 years old. I was the one who made  abuse happen to you because I wanted you to waste your life following me. I am on top. You followed me so well that you abused your sister for me. Do you even know what that can do to her.
1. She will not get married to a decent man because she can never respect herself.
2. She will hate you for doing this to her.
3. She will live a life of sexual dependency because that is what she grew up on.

If you come back to me this is what can happen. There is still time to fix what you have done but not if you come back. If you come back then you will lose. You will never find love because that belongs to me. You will always be scared and lonely. If you don’t buckle down and fight me like you mean it, you will lose. You must give your all in order to win. I am not backing down easily and if you want me to leave you will need to kick me out like a man!


Your Master