Letter to myself:

I never ever thought to refer to you as a sex addict. But that’s what you are. A sex addict. You are addicted to thinking about sex. You are addicted to watching porn. And when you try and stop, your body actually has withdrawals. Now that is a sign you are hooked. You need help. You need accountability, And not just “yeah yeah yeah… blah blah… I’ll get help…”, this needs to be serious. A serious change; a serious commitment to change. It’s gonna be tough. It’s gonna hurt like hell. But it’ll be worth it. Just think about that: IT’S GOING TO BE WORTH IT. No more hurt. No more pain. No more wasting time on the internet searching for useless things. No more shame hiding this secret. No more times when you have to tell the person you love that you’re hooked on porn, and the embarrassment that follows, and hurt that you’ve hurt them so incredibly much. No more sleepless nights thinking “does she still love me?” or “does she hate me?”. No more. It’s time to be serious. It’s time to take not just 100% commitment, but 150% commitment. It’s time to be real and ask yourself – do you still want to be hooked in 10 years time? When you’re married? When you have kids? When you could be pastoring a church one day? This needs to end. AND IT MUST BEGIN NOW. This will be a process. A long process. So this needs to start NOW.

Letter from my sex addict:

I’m sick of this. I’m sick and tired of going through the same cycle. 13 years and counting. This needs to stop. But how? I just don’t know how to do this. I try but I fail. I feel like I’m so weak in fighting this. I do believe Christ can defeat this, but what I’m I doing wrong? I must be doing something? Am I not giving this to him properly? Am I not depending on him? Am I not spending enough time with him? It’s probably all of those things. I try but I fail. Do something, Lord. Help me. I’m tired of hurting people around me. First girlfriend I told hurt her so bad. And now my new girlfriend is so sad. And she’s probably hurting more than she shows because she’s doing her best to love and support me. Now THAT feels the worst. That I know for a fact, I’m responsible for hurting her, and she doesn’t wanna tell anyone about my secret. And she can’t sleep at night coz this is on her mind. She told me that if this continues, she doesn’t think she’ll be able to. Which scares me. It scares me to think, that if she doesn’t, no girl will. And I’ll be alone the rest of my life, unless things change. Help me, Lord. I’m so over being a sex addict. A porn addict. I want freedom. Only you Jesus can I find true freedom. Work a miracle, Lord. Give me the strength to keep fighting. For you. For my girl. And for me. That I can receive true freedom and true forgiveness. And one day I can look back and see what you’ve done and glorify you! And help others who struggle with this! All I can say right now, is Lord help me. I need you. Free me from these chains. Change my heart. Change my mind. Free me from the bondage of this sin.