Letter to myself:
To the sex addict. For years, you have constantly and continuously fed me with lies about sex, love, and relationships. It was you who taught me that sex is something you should desire, love is a strong sexual desire that is fulfilled whenever you want it, and that relationships with others are pointless. You’ve held me close to you for too long, and I’m tired of this. I’m tired of how day after day, you presented sexual images in my mind and fed my body pornography. How you made me crave for pornography, especially when I was in my state of depression. You lied to me, whispering in my ears that what my live needed was you. Whispering that family and friends don’t need to know about my addiction, as long as I continue to go to church, I’m “a good Christian.” Do you know how much pain and suffering this has given me?! Day after day, I prayed to God that He would deliver me from you! But you! You kept feeding me doubts. Time after time again, you continued to place too much doubts in my mind and confusion! I’m fed up with this! You made me doubt that His grace was sufficient. You made me doubt that He would deliver me. But you know what? I’m done with your sugarcoated lies, your confusion, and your tricks! I know that God’s power is way stronger than yours. I know that God can deliver me from you and escape this dreadful prison you’ve placed me in. I will not accept your lies anymore! You have caused me so much hardships in my life, and I’m getting tired of feeling like there’s nothing I can do to escape your grip. I have a future ahead of me, where one day, I may become married and a husband to my future wife and the father to my future children. God gave men a responsibility to be faithful to their wife, to serve them, and to guard their hearts. God gave men the responsibility to protect their children emotionally, physically, and mentally. With you around, I can’t be that type of man God has called me to be. I’m done with your lies! I’m done with you controlling my life! I’m done with you telling me to be isolated to myself and enjoy the ride. You will not mess up my future with Christ! You will not mess up my future with my future spouse and children! You will not mess up my children’s lives and feed them the same lies you fed me! You won’t have my life anymore. You won’t have any control over my life anymore! And me writing this letter is evidence enough that I still have hope, and that I still believe that I will recover by the grace of God. I BELIEVE that God will hear my prayers. I BELIEVE that God will help me. You have no more power over me anymore! Christ has died for me, and I choose Him! I choose to live for Him and to consume my life serving Him and being devoted to Him alone! I’m going to expose my secrets of you with the world. I’m going to find accountability partners who will help me and keep me held accountable, and there’s nothing you can do about that. I’m done with you!
Depart from me and don’t come back,
Letter from my sex addict:
You continue to say these things over and over again, but it never happens. You tell yourself every day, and even prayed that you can get rid of me. But, has it worked yet? I don’t believe so. I’m still here, aren’t I?! Listen, buddy. You don’t have to get rid of me. You know you enjoyed those days with me. You know you enjoyed those days of the images I’ve presented to you. I don’t see why you bother trying to get rid of me. You treat me as if I’m a disease, but really, I’m the closest friend you will ever have. Those people who you want to be accountable with, trust me, they will only judge you. I’m trying to protect your reputation, can’t you see?! I can’t believe you would even write a letter about this. Faithfulness to your wife? Who needs faithfulness when you can have all the girls in the world right at your fingertips? And you really think I won’t fed your children the same thing? Hah! Please. They would devour my truths to the point that they will be exactly like you. Stuck with me. Prove me wrong. No, that’s right, you can’t. You’re not stronger than me. You’re weak. And your children will be just as weak as you are. And your wife will leave you for another man. You will fall back to me again, just as you always do, but be my guest. Prove me wrong.
Your buddy for years,