Letter to myself:

Dear addict,
To many times you say that you have things under control when in reality it’s worse than what you want to belive. It’s hard on you because you need to keep it hidden. Being raised in a church family with a Grandfather and Father who were elders and ordained ministers not to mention that they owned a very established business that has been around for 60 yr plus. There is a lot of expectations that you feel are placed upon you so you feel that you need to keep your addiction held up inside so you don’t get embarrassed or disappoint your family, especially since you started working In the family business, which then turns to you thinking you can only face this problem on your own when really you dont have to. Every one sins and no sin is greater than the other so your not alone. This hurts you but you hide it and try to not think about it. It hurts your sex life with your soon to be wife because you place expectations on her when in reality 99% of those women overy exaggerate the scenes and that 99% of real women don’t do those things and act that way. It causes you to lose the love and conextion that you were suppose to have with your future wife. So you get dissapointed when she doesn’t meet what you’ve seen and what you want and expect from women who have sex on that damn computer. This causes friction and you to be upset and unsatisfied with your relationship. It causes you to always want sex which annoys and upsets your soon to be bride because she thinks that’s all you want. I know you don’t have bad intentions and you think it’s just a release, and not that big a deal. Reality is that you are sinning against God and that you are also cheating on the love of your life with your lust and cause friction and keeps you from being happy and satisfied. I know you want to stop but now you need to for the sake of your physical and spiritual life. And so when that time comes God can say welcome. Your wife to be counts on you as well as Ashlyn. I love you and God and your family love you. You don’t need to be afraid to ask for help. Right now you feel bad and want to go look at Porn right now but you must pray and resist, for your sake and your families sake. You can do it, I believe in you…. I have faith in you 🙂

Letter from my sex addict:

I know and I thank you for your support. I’m tired of being so fake and preaching and teaching God to people when I do this sin right after and think to myself how terrible I am. It’s just so hard with the expectations and the ease of Porn. I can get on my phone, laptop, and desktop basically whenever i want. You’re right though I need to do this and succeed. Maybe this will help me not only with my relationship with God and my love but also the release of stress will lead to a healthier me. I know I have help and I will seek it. I know I can do this and be the man that God truly wants me to be. The time for change is now.