Letter to myself:
I have no clue what I’m doing. I just read someone else’s letter and that at least gave me some sort of guide post. Upon considering writing to myself I kept envisioning an argument with myself like with Smeagol and Gollum in Lord of the Rings. My first reaction is to dump all my emotions on you…a lot of anger, perhaps bitterness. You certainly deserve it.
On the other hand I heard at church recently that we should treat others better than they deserve. “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind and soul. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, LOVE your Neighbor as yourself.” “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hurt you. Pray for those who spitefully use you.”
I’ll be honest. I feel used by, Ryan. You took me down a path that I didn’t want to go. You have derailed my relationships. Thank God no one has been directly hurt, but I can’t connect with anyone because of what you did to me. You didn’t even allow me to have a childhood. You stole away from me romance. You have made me ashamed.
Its not just what you’ve done to me, its what you perpetuate. How many women are in slavery because of man’s unquenchable sexual appetite? How many women that you masturbated to were forced to do what they were doing?
Still, things could be worse.
I know you feel powerless. Lost. Alone. Weak.
You are not alone. It is in your powerlessness and weakness that God is strong. You know his compassion. You have watched as the church embraced exotic dancers and freed strip club owners. You have been there when the hungry were fed, and the tears of the mournful were whipped from their eyes. Jesus does not condemn you. Neither do I.
Your life has become unmanageable. Embrace your weakness. Let God be your strength.
Forgiveness cost a lot, but to not forgive costs even more. I forgive you.
I love you…
Letter from my sex addict:
I don’t understand how you can forgive me but I am grateful for it. I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I’m sorry for the pain, I’m sorry for the disruption, I’m sorry for the loss of your innocence. If I could take it all back I wood. Please remember, I’ve lost everything you have lost.