Letter to myself:

You’ve said to yourself a thousand times that this has to stop. You know it is wrong. You know how it has affected your relationships, your spirituality, and your growth and development in all aspects of your life. You’ve made all kinds of excuses as to why it’s not your fault and you have have accepted this addiction as a normal every day part of your life. You don’t want to start your day without a session. Many times you come home and turn to it for some kind of satisfaction to numb the empty feelings. Sometimes you even get out of bed to have a session when you can’t go to sleep. You know that even when you confessed to the Bishop you didn’t really want to stop because you believed this was all that was left for you…an artificial love life that you could pretend to enjoy, keep it hidden from anyone else. You know that it has led to serious sexual sin with women leading to disappointment, shame, divorce, illegitimate children, excommunication from the church, and a belief that a loving marriage children and family life was not a part of your future for which you could never qualify. You are estranged from your wives, your children, your grandchildren and don’t even know how to contact them and try to be a part of their lives. When you participate in gospel ordinances and church callings, you just cover up your addiction and pretend it doesn’t matter any more. You’ve fooled yourself into believing that there’s no hope for you to gain salvation and eternal life and that somehow this problem will just go away. Can’t you see that it isn’t going to just go away. Even after determining that you must stop, you always return to it in a minutes notice and all your good intentions about this matter really meant nothing. You seem to think that you can just discount that it happened again and you’ll eventually find something to replace it. But it doesn’t go away. You’ve become numbed to your sinfulness and pretend it’s not really you. But this kind of sin by proxy is surely as serious as reality.

Letter from my sex addict:

I’ve really got you fooled into thinking that I’m your true self now. But I’m really not your true self. I’m really a fraud that has set out to destroy you without you suspecting. I’ve gained a lot of power over you and am successfully blinding you to my powers. I’m really an awful shadow covering the light that should shine from you. Actually, I’m really very tired of working this role on you and wish you’d just put me away for good. There is still time for you to become what you intended to be in many aspects. There is forgiveness for you for letting me control your life so long and stealing away your agency to choose happiness, success, love, admiration and development of all you great talents. But, you need to get the help you need to rebuild determination, confidence and strength to take back the reins if I’m to give them back to you. Stop fighting the battle on your own. I’ve gotten too strong a grip on you now for you to do it by yourself. Put me away for good and let the real you take control. There is much good work to do and much joy to be had.