Dear Sex Addict,
You have had such control over my life for so many years. I remember when I was 15 and I first saw pornography and thought it was so amazing and that it wasn’t hurting anything, and it felt good. I thought I could take it or leave it. As I grew older your grip on me got stronger through my teen years, nearly a day went by that I did not come running to you multiple times a day. I did not realize the person I was designed by God to be was slowly being eroded away and I was turning into someone who was worshipping you and not my God.
As I continued my life journey, I became sexually active and was deceived into thinking that love was shown through sex. You deceived me and lied to me so many times and my mind was unable to see that I was being deceived. I believed the lie that you were selling.
I then met the love of my life and knew that my obsession with illicit sexual acts, masturbation and pornography would end. I would feel complete, fulfilled, happy and sexually satisfied within the bonds of marriage. I was so confused. I looked for fulfillment everywhere. The love that I missed growing up was going to be made complete in marriage. I failed to realize that I was clinging to all the wrong things and failed to truly make my Savior, my Lord. You then exposed me to other sexually gratifying experiences which left me feeling empty, ashamed and unworthy of true love.
The Lord blessed my life with children. Oh now you would not be what I needed to stop the madness. I would be a father of honor, I would love my kids the way I was not loved. I would be an example to them. You did not let me walk away though. You brought out other area of sexual pleasure.
As I realized my life was spiraling out of control…it became clear to me that this was never a situation that I had control over. You always controlled me and I felt completely helpless to stop.
You thought you had won. I thought you had won, I thought my marriage was over, I though my kids were lost to me, I thought I would live the rest of my life in perversion, disgust and shame.
BUT…you and I forgot 1 John 4:4. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.
God came knocking at my heart door. As I sat in front of the TV one night doing the channel surf, I went through the religious channels which I never search. What had my Almighty God taken me there for? He wanted me to see the movie, “Fireproof” to remind me that He could restore my marriage. Oh but you would not let up..you took me to some bad places that next week because you were ready to fight.
Then I sat in church…empty, alone, emotionally crushed and wondering if God would really love me. As my empty heart questioned why I was even there…my brother came up to me and said, “We have missed you lately, you need to come to this Men’s Retreat” You see God won’t let go! He loves me today, He loved me in my sin and He will love me for the rest of my life.
And because of His love, and the sacrifice that Jesus gave when He died on the cross to save ME from sin.
I am the Salt of the Earth Matt 5:13
I am the Light of the World Matt 5:14
I am a child of God John 1:12, Romans 8:14-15
I am a child of God and I am one with Christ Galatians 3:26
I am part of the true vine John 15:16
I am Christ friend John 15:16
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear his fruit John 15:16
I am a slave to righteousness Romas 6:18
I am enslaved to God Romans 6:22
I am a joint heir with Christ Romans 8:17
I am a heir of God Galatians 4:6-7
I am a temple of God 1 Cor. 3:16
I am united to the Lord 1 Cor 6:17
I am a member of Christ body Eph 5:30
I am a new creation 2 Cor 5:17
I am reconciled to God 2 Cor 5:18-19
I am a saint Eph 1:1
I am God’s workmanship Eph 2:10
I am a prisoner of Christ Eph 3:1
I am righteous and holy Eph 4:24
I am a citizen of Heaven Phil 3:20
I am hidden with Christ in God Col 3:3
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved Col 3:12
I am a child of the light and not darkness 1 Thess 5:5
I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation 1 Peter 2:9,10
I am a child of God and I will resemble Christ when He returns 1 John 3:1,2
I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me. 1 John 5:18
You see…when I look at what you have to entice me with compared to all GOD has promised to me. You don’t measure up anymore. Why would I choose guilt, shame, remorse, losing my marriage, living away from my kids, feeling alone and empty on the inside, feeling like a failure, and not being the man I was made to be.
God offers so much more, my wife’s heart is precious and worth fighting for again. My children’s and grandchildren’s lives are worth more than the temporary satisfaction you offer followed only by chaos.
My hope for the future is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.
I choose to be a man of God, a husband of integrity and a father whose children can turn to for moral guidance.
I choose the eternal over the temporary.
I choose to bring glory to God through my life.
I choose life and not the death of daily submitting to your wishes.
I choose the sacred holiness of sex within marriage the will honor my Lord and Savior, show that I cherish my wife and bring joy that is unspeakable.
I choose to let the Lord redeem my life from the pit of sexual addiction and use my hurt and hangups to bring healing to others.
You have had parts of my heart for 30 years and now it is time for you to get out. Because I choose to live the rest of my days for my Lord!
Joshua 24:15-As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.
I know you are going to try to attack me again but when you do I will call on the mighty name of God to help me in my loneliness, sadness and trouble.
I will remember that the child inside of me who feels unloveable is love by God.
I will remember that God has unlimited help available to me through his word and prayer to help me be the dad for my kids that I did not have.
God will get me through the tough times and be all that I need to be made complete in His love.