Letter to myself:

To my sex addict.

Your existence disgusts me. You were born out of a need I thought I had to fill through the misuse of me and others around me. You have have forced me to keep my shame and guilt inside and poisoned me for years. You begged me to stay quiet when I knew I needed out. You ripped away chances of me meeting real women and you continue to make me hate what I’ve become. I’ve come to see you as a miserable tiny piece of trash. You have only the power that I have given you. You call me weak but you need me more than I need you. You can only survive through my dependence on you. That is coming to an end.

I’m going to open my mouth and tell people where I’m at. I’m going to enlist the power of prayer in my own life and in the lives of those close to me. I am no longer going to let you silence me. I am going to ask for help from my friends and family. I will not lie on how I’m doing or your role in my past and present life. I will not let you continue to destroy me. I am going to commit to prayer and dwelling in the word of God. I am going to commit to honouring God with my body for I’m actually owned by him and not you. He has bought me and you simply are trying to steal me. You are taking what is not yours. I will watch what God has in store for you. I will enjoy watching him destroy you as he moulds me into the man he wants me, free from your repulsive influence.

Sincerely the one who hates you.

Letter from my sex addict:

Hey you,
You think you can get rid of me that easy eh? 9 years hasn’t taught you much eh. I own you. The reason you haven’t gotten out is cause you can’t every time you have tried you have failed cause I hold the key to the chains I’ve bound you with.

I tricked you into thinking that all that emotional turmoil you have could be solved through me. That every time you felt alone I would be there to hear you and accept you without judgement. Well guess what I lied. I hate you and I will destroy you. I will show no remorse for the relationships that I have and will destroy. I have no remorse for promising the world and giving you nothing.

I have kept you quite so you wouldn’t look for help. I have heaped guilt and shame on you so you wouldn’t turn to God. You see I’m terrified of you letting God have his way with me. I’m terrified that you will realize that you don’t need me to be happy and you’ll realize that it is me that is poisoning you. So what I have done is distract you to the point you don’t realize the problem and when you do I make you so uncomfortable to go to God that you don’t. I tell you he doesn’t want to be with a sinner like you.

I am so happy to keep you from connecting with real people. I plan on destroying you, by showing all the people you help that you’re a fraud, and a hypocritical Christian, I plan on ruining your reputation and making sure people don’t trust you.

You’ll never own me, but I own you.
Sincerely your addiction.