Letter to myself:
It has been a battle for nearly twenty years that for a large portion of it you were winning through the constant manipulation of what sex and pornography would bring and the control you had over my life. Constantly you had control of my thoughts and emotions telling me not to feel and to allow the thrill of sexual pleasure to ease any pain that would arise in me. This control and manipulation you have brought on has caused me to lose out on building existing relationships and establishing relationships because you had filled me up with so much shame and guilt I did not think I could be loved by anyone including Jesus Christ.
You have provided a safety net for me for many years and helped me to survive but at the same time if I allow you to hang around you will eventually kill me so I must let you go. This will allow me to face my true self and begin the frightening task of facing my emotions and not be anesthetized from acting out sexually. To make this possible I am going to be vulnerable and to share my struggles with others and let them know when I have messed up and to be honest about my thoughts and feelings and to express those appropriately. I will continue to seek individuals who can help me in this journey and to help me see myself the way God sees me. So long Addict!
Letter from my sex addict:
You have tried countless times to get over me and it has never worked. Do you really think that anyone can actually help you with this? Everyone you seek for help will eventually abandon you because you are a lost cause and say you are too far gone to be helped you must have been created as an object of God’s wrath. Like every other time before you will have tiny victories here and there, staying sober for a day or two, but I’ll be right there waiting like a true friend does to bring you even lower and deeper into your shame and guilt and create an even greater loneliness in you. Good luck, you are going to need it, and see you soon!
The Addict