Letter to myself:
You’re addicted to pornography.
There it is– written in words. It’s no longer a thought or suspicion in the back of your mind. It’s reality. So what are you going to do about it? Like REALLY do? I’m not talking about half-assed promises or commitments to sobriety that only last a few days. I’m not talking about accountability partners that only check up on you once a week via email. What I’m talking about is REAL action that promotes REAL change.
Well, maybe I’m being a little harsh on you because you haven’t always been like you are now. Up until a few months ago, you were doing very well. I mean, you still had your occasional rough spots, but usually for only a day or two.
But that doesn’t change the fact that you hadn’t really changed at all. You were still an addict, but you were just acting on that addiction less frequency. Right now, however, it’s starting to get out of control. You can hardly go two days without looking like porn, and if you do, it feels like an eternity.
That brings me back to my question: what will you DO about it? We need real action. Because I’m nice, I’ll give you some suggestions:
-NO smartphones and NO tablets. Period. You and I both know that 95% of the porn you look at is on your smart devices. You can’t trust yourself with them, because your will is NOT strong enough to resist the temptation, no matter how many times you tell yourself it is. It’s just too easy to look at porn on those devices. Get rid of them, fast. You already sold your tablet, so that’s progress, but now it’s time to deal with that smartphone of yours.
-Get a real accountability partner. This time, you need to find someone you can meet with in person, someone who sees you regularly, someone who you can trust completely. Maybe it’s time you give your dad a chance, he loves you a lot.
-Check out counseling or therapy. I know this may seem uncomfortable and a bit extreme, but you ARE an addict. There is no shame in having a problem, but there IS shame in being too afraid or insecure to GET HELP. Let’s be honest, porn has been a part of your life for more or less ten years. TEN YEARS. All those years of exposing yourself to that junk have mental and physiological consequences. You have re-wired parts of your brain to be accustomed to porn and have formed habits and patterns of thought. You can CHANGE those, but not on your own. Go find help. Go to a counseling center and at least check it out.
Now’s the time for change, my friend. You can do it. I love you.
Letter from my sex addict:
I want to be real direct here: I don’t understand the problem and I certainly don’t want to leave.
You ENJOY having me around, admit it. I help you relax. I help you take your mind off of your worries and frustrations. Not only that, watching porn is exciting, and the climax feels great.
In the end, I know you’ll come around. Even if you say that this is the “last time,” I know you and I will meet again. We always do.