Dear Sex Addict,
im impressed by the fact that you along with the help of anger, have managed to completely tear my life apart. You have made me feel worthless, and shameful everyday since i met you. You had me believing that im not worth anything and that its not worth trying to be clean because no matter what, ill always run back to you. well guess what….i know the truth now; i am worth it. I AM worth helping. PEOPLE LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY, GOD loves me unconditionally. He doesn’t want to see my broken like this. im NOT required to run back to you. i have a choice to be somebody better than what you’ve made me to be. Women are not toys or meant for my pleasure. They are human beings. You completely altered my mind. But it doesn’t have to stay this way. I AM uncondtionally loved, I DO have hope, you are not me. you don’t care about me. you’re a liar and have ruined my life….i LOST THE WOMAN I LOVE AND RUINED HER SELF ESTEEM BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!! i pushed away everyone i love because i listened to you you piece of shit….fuck you i hate you and i hope you die. you are a wimp, I realize now that you are just a scared little boy that is hurt and trying to numb the pain.
Here’s what im willing to do to gain my power back:
1. changing my belief system.
a. i am loved and accepted just the way i am without having to be somebody im not. i am worth saving.
b. I BELONG TO GOD AND WITH HIS HELP YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE!!!!
C. I have worth, i may not know it well enough quite yet, but i have VALUABLE.
d. I’m not any different from others, it is possible to beat you! my life can and will get better.
E. being lazy is going to get me nowhere in my recovery.
F. Im okay with being ME and not copying someone else.
G. i don’t have to worry about what others think so much.’
H. The past is erased, it does not define who i am today.
I.
2. i will tell the truth
A. i will not lie to myself, friends, accountability, recovery group, therapist, family, and most importantly, to kayla.
B. If and when i lie, i will apologize and immediately follow up by telling the Truth.
C. i will tell the truth NO MATTER THE CONSEQUENCE.
D. i will tell the whole truth!!!!
3. I will protect and take care of myself
A. Attend Veritas, discover recovery, and what ever other program i can.
B. I will call james daily and tell him 100% HONESTLY how things are going.
C. i will read the celebrate recover bible
D. Meditate and pray DAILY
E. i will take care of my body by working out and eating right
F. i will pursue unconditionally loving relationships
G. i will pursue my passions and do life giving activities.
H. i will not focus on tomorrow, i will only do what is required TODAY.
4. i will change my belief about GOD
A. I belong to GOD, I am his.
B. God REALLY LOVES ME
C. He wants to help me and SAVE Me!
D. God is the only one who can heal me.
E. He accepts me
F. He wants me to be joyful and at peace.
G. He doesn’t want me to be alone.
H. He is the only one who can fill the hole of loneliness in my heart.
i am also changing my beliefs about you:
-you are not unbeatable
-you are just a result of past hurt that can be dealt with
-you do nothing good for me.
You have directed my life, but that will happen no longer. i will make it my life’s work to expose you and to kill you. EVERYTHING I AM WILL GO INTO THIS. everyday will be a new day and a new chance for me to do what is right. i
screw you you piece of crap. farewell for good!!!
Kaeden