Letter to myself:
Dear Sex Addict,
You are a liar. I have given into you since my junior year of high school. With every time I look something up on the internet or masturbate, you have sank your teeth farther into me. You have never, not once, provided the happiness that you always “promise” when you tempt me. I have been terrified that I’ll never be able to get rid of you, bringing you into a future marriage and hurting my future wife, or even my future children. You have crippled me with fear and your lies.
I have been selfish, thinking that I have to have your fake “satisfaction” that you bring when I give in, especially since I am doing all I can to save sex for marriage. I can hear you lying to me now: “How are you going to suppress that sexual urge until you get married? Do you think that’s healthy for you? You’re a guy, it’s natural”. I’m sick of hearing that. I have been stupid enough to believe you for this long, and I’m done. I’m bringing some ACTUAL truth into my life, and I’m changing up the way I think and believe. I no longer need you. Come to think of it, I never did. You just made me think I did.
I have let this go on for way too long, because of fear. But what do I have to be afraid of? You? Do I actually think God is not big enough for this? Here is a heads up of what is going to change:
I’m about to go 30 days without looking at porn or masturbating.
I’m about to spend every morning of those 30 days in the Word and prayer.
I’m going to reach out to a friend every time I feel your old nagging temptation.
I’m going to be honest with myself and with my accountability partners.
I’m going to BELIEVE that God’s power is with me, that His Holy Spirit is working in me.
I’m going to work harder than ever to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.
I’m going to know that I don’t have to do this on my own. God’s strength is sufficient.
I’m going to be more proactive in respecting boundaries with my girlfriend.
And above all, I am feeding myself truth from God. Not lies from you. I’m actually going to take care of myself and this temple God gave me, my body.
Finally free from you,
Braden
Letter from my sex addict:
Dear B,
This made me laugh out loud. So thank you for that. How many times have you told yourself, and me for that matter, this same message? Why would this time be any different? I know you. You’ll go a few days, maybe even a week with this “new” routine, and then it will all fizzle out. Do you really think you can hold down that sexual drive for 30 days? You’ve tried this before man. And how did it end? You came crawling back to me. Do you really think God cares about you like this? That he is actually willing to help you? LOL.
It may take a little while, but you’ll come back. And I’ll be here. Waiting to sink my teeth back in and set up shop ruining your life. Sure, we can hide it at college for now. But let me keep going, so I can ruin a future marriage. Better yet, why don’t we make you a crappy father because of this stuff? I’ve got big plans, you wait and see.
Right here waiting,
Sex addict