Letter to myself:

Hey, you’re a coward. I don’t even know why I am so afraid of you. You are nothing but BAD! I’ve been a prisoner of your lies for almost 15 years. THIS IS IT! I am not accepting your lies or running to you again to find comfort or numb my emotions, try to scape reality or just feel good for 10 seconds. I am tired of being manipulated. I am tired of the pain that seems to control my emotions and paralyzes me. I DON’T WANT YOU! I DON’T NEED YOU! I AM LOVED! I AM FREE IN JESUS! I am sick and tired of letting you take advantage of me and ruining my life, relationships and everything.

Because of you I have lost so many beautiful things in life but I am no longer giving you that privilege. God has given me the authority of Jesus! The biggest truth? You were already defeated and this whole issue was dealt with at the cross. You have confused me and for a long time have kept me blind from seeing the issue from the right perspective. I am changing the way I see God and the way I see myself. God told me to let go and enjoy the free fall and that’s what I am going to do. Do you think I free fall is a crazy idea? Crazy is to wake up and desire what is going to kill you, what you know will be good for just a bit but can make you miserable for the whole week, what brings you pain but still you desire. That is crazy. On the other hand, I am in a journey, not in a battle. The battle was already won and my Father WON!

I am tired of the numbness, of being afraid, insecure. I am tired to not been able to get where I wan’t to be. I am tired of the shame, regret, disappointment, hopelessness and despair. Do I sound crazy to you? No! I AM NOT!

I will spend time to really pray, talk to God and listen to him, be honest, and I mean completely honest with my accountability partners and my mens group, I will take care of my emotions and carefully analyze how I react to life circumstances, make my inventory and start getting the trash out! You are DONE!

Letter from my sex addict:

You think you can overcome. You try and try and still you fail. You know I can give you what you want because you have tried to find it without success for a long time. I have you in my possession and I will do with you as I please. The thing about this is that there is no way out and you know it. You will end up with your eyes and hands right where we both know. I have proven you that you are powerless and that this is right. Accept this fact and you won’t have to struggle the way you do. If you keep on fighting me I will make your life more miserable and prevent you from getting the things you desire the most.