Letter to myself:
Good-bye, Lustful Liar.
I am leaving you. I am placing you in my past. I am walking away.
I am leaving you because I’m tired of feeling empty, undesired, unloved, and lonely. You have brainwashed me to believe I can never be satisfied, wanted, protected, and content. I see that now because I see through you.
YOU’RE A LIAR.
I used to think you were a part of me, an unwanted but tolerated companion. You had me thinking you were the only escape from my despair and my pain. Whenever the despair of loneliness attacked me, I looked to you. Whenever the pain of my past overcame me, I ran to you. However, you are not my escape, you are a trap. You entrapped me with shame and embarrassment, causing me to fear God and people. You made me think I shouldn’t go to God after meeting with you; He didn’t need to hear my brokenness because you fixed me. You made me think I couldn’t go to people after meeting with you because they would only criticize and judge me. Only you accepted me.
But YOU LIED…
I shattered again, after you said you fixed me. I still felt unlovable, after you said you accepted me.
Now I realize that only God sustains me, loves me, protects me, and satisfies me. I also realize that God has surrounded me with the people I can trust and hopefully open up to.
You are no longer allowed to remind me of my past because you are now a part of it. God will heal me of the things that caused me to fall into despair and suffer from pain. When He holds His hand out, I will take hold of it and let Him guide me forward. No matter how loud you call after me, I will not turn back. I will listen to only one voice, the one of whose hand I will be holding. So don’t waste your breath. You no longer have a voice worth hearing.
Letter from my sex addict:
I no longer have a voice?!
You might walk away, but I will always be right behind you. Following you. Whispering to you, my breath on your neck.
You call me a liar, but you know that I know you well.
I know about your distant father and your short-tempered, critical mother. I know you think they see you as a failure and as a disappointment. I know you struggle to make them proud of you. I know you feel defeated when you don’t measure up.
These things are not lies.
I also know about your dreams of marriage, stable friendships, travel, and a better job. I know that you think you are undeserving of these things. I know that you believe you will not achieve these things because they are out of reach. I know these unfulfilled dreams have filled you with a loneliness that you can’t shake.
These things are also not lies.
These are things that have caused the despair and pain you mentioned. The same despair and pain that brought you to me. They are symptoms I have relieved. You say I only temporarily helped you, but you know how good my help feels. It’s why you kept coming back, and it is why you won’t stay away. You will be back.
Remember, I will always be behind you. So when you need a fix, a relief for your symptoms, all you have to do is turn around.