dear me
you are not me.
you are a false, temporary distortion of myself created by the devil.
I was created by the Creator of all. the Creator of time, space, earth, angels…even the fallen like the devil himself, and men.
My Creator is all powerful and nothing, not you nor the devil can stand between me and Him.
Only I can separate myself from God…by choosing you, by believing that you are me and that I am you.
I was not created to be what you are.
The Bible says that man is not meant to be alone. And I’ve desired nothing more than to find my missing rib, to find my counterpart and marry the woman God has for me.
You stand in the way of that. I can not give a hardened heart to a woman, a heart and mind that does not have a healthy understanding of the creation of sex by the Creator and His intended use and enjoyment of it with in marriage.
You objectify women. You look at them as objects. You’ve noticed more chests and rear ends in your life than smiles and eyes. You’ve rarely ever been able to truly get to know a woman.
You love your computer screen and internet connection. But every woman and man you’ve ever seen in porn is loved whole heartedly by their Creator. But porn breaks the heart of the Creator and you break the heart of the Creator by openly supporting it in your lust.
You’ve taken my desire to fall in love and love a woman selflessly and deceived me and intertwined your lust with my desire to love. You’ve deceived me into believing that the people on the screen enjoy their job and that it was my right to enjoy it with them. And you convinced me to associate porn stars with real women I knew and confuse the boundaries and lines that separate love and emotion with lust and degradation taking my lust outside of porn and into real relationships. You made me think this made my sin less by trying to enter real emotion into it.
I fell in love with a girl. She was everything to me. I’ve never known more beauty than that of hers. I’ve never felt what I felt with her and fear that I may never know it again. She was the girl I so truly desired to marry.
But my jealousy and insecurity led to my loss of her. Jealousy and insecurity that was bred in my sin. I had a distrustful heart because I was a distrustful man. I knew that I was capable of deceit and lies and therefore knew she was able to do the same.
But I have been an unfaithful bride to my Groom, the Creator. And I can not be a suitable husband to any woman until I’ve learned to be a faithful bride to God.
But you are not me. You are insecure and scared of being alone. You let us get hurt and you’ve convinced me for awhile that porn was something that would never leave us. That would never hurt us.
But its done nothing but damage to us. And worse than that we have taken part in the support of damaging other human beings that are equally loved by the Creator.
I am going to leave you behind. Because Hebrews 13 states that God will not leave nor forsake me and that I will not fear because if God is with me than what can man do to me?
I will pray daily.
I will hold on to scripture in my heart through memorization.
I will seek the Holy Spirits assistance in the conditioning of my heart.
I will say goodbye to you and all of the damage you have done to me and others through me.
I will strengthen my relationship with God.
I will defeat you.
You stand no chance against the power of my Creator.
You are not me. You are distortion created by a creation of my Creator.
You will lose.