Letters.

Dear sex addict,

You. You’ve made me so angry over the past year and a half. Made me feel alone, scared, anxious, annoyed, weak, guilty. and most importantly you made me feel far from God. The guy who saved me. The guy who made me and you too, yeah that’s right. One day you will be subject to Him as I am now.

He is the light of my life and the light of the WORLD. He is my new goal, He walked this earth being temted by you. Did He give in? No. He’s the guy I’m aspiring to be. He showed His power by defending Himself from you and living a perfect life. He showed His love for me and all other men like me by dying on a dirty, ugly, rugged old piece of wood. He then defeated death and rose again. How did that feel? Bad?

I’m now going to live for Him as He died for me. He’s perfect and I’m not, therefore I can never repay the debt but I can do my best to repay Him as much as I can and that starts off by defeating you.

I’ll hand it to you, you did have control over me for a long period of time, but the guy who’s talking now is different. The guy you’re talking to now is a Young man after God’s own heart. The man who’s talking now has a fighting spirit inside him that can crush you ten times over. The guy he serves can crush you many many more times than that. His name is Jesus. Jesus.

I’m after His own heart, meaning I’m not only aspiring to be like Him; I’m aspiring to obey Him. Meaning that you and me can’t be together anymore. Ever. I’m not sad though as this guy Jesus has given me true joy that your empty promises has never fulfilled.

Jesus gives living water, He gives my spirit life with that living water and although my flesh is sinful. My spirit is all for God. What do you give? Promises. Nothing more, just promises. Nothing comes from them and yet I seemed to believe them for over a year? No longer. As Jesus’ living water is better than you’re promises. A million times over and more.

Alongside this living water Jesus gives joy. Eternal joy. I can go through anything with anyone and I can still have that leaping heart inside my body knowing that He loves and cares for me. You gave me happiness. But there is a HUGE difference between joy and happiness. Your happiness was promised as joy which lasts forever but all I was given was happiness. It was gone in the morning.

When I live for Jesus I live a good life and gain good friends who have this same love for Him as I do. With you I gain no friends. Just thoughts. And when the thoughts come into reality they aren’t fun.

When I live for Jesus I live by a book. It’s called the bible. It tells me how to live. The RIGHT way. When I lived for you I lived by dreams; empty dreams that harly ever came true. And when they did nothing good came from them. Just guilt and depression.

Jesus LOVES me. JESUS loves me. Jesus loves ME. How amazing is that? He actually loves me despite all I’ve done. HIM. The guy who created the universe. And He loves me!? The guy who destroys His creation everyday? HOW can that be?

“Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Though stretched from sky to sky.”

That’s the only way I or anyone could describe HIS LOVE for ME.

I then think of my friends (who also by the way follow this amazing man JESUS). They don’t like you. They don’t like that I follow you or that I think of you and that I do what you say. Yet I do it anyway? I’m going to do this for them also. To respect their wishes for me.

What then, about my sisters? These women who walk around me all day. Me looking at them in lustful ways isn’t only wrong; it’s detestable. It hurts them. If they knew the things I thought about them, they would avoid me forever. They would never believe that I follow Jesus. They would just remember me as this guy who wants to get under their shirt. That’s not a reputation I want for myself. That’s not a reputation God wants for me. That’s not a reputation my friends want for me. I can think of no one but you who would want that for me. That just proves how much of a lie you are.

Today is where I draw the line. Today is where you and I part ways. I’m now giving my WHOLE life to God. There is no longer any room for you in my heart. There is no more room for you in my life. I am now living a life for GOD. GOD. The person who has that amazing love for me. The person who gave me joy. The person who gave me living water. The person who created me.

He created me, He knows what’s best for me. What’s best for me? What am I changing? From now on I live for God like this:
-Daily reading from His Word. The Bible.
-Daily Prayer and meditation time with HIM.
-An accountability partner who will help me get over you. And to stay away from you.
-The music I listen to will now praise Him. Instead of the things He made.
-Looking at my sisters in such a way where I can see Christ in them; where they truly are beautiful. Not hot or sexy or fit.
-Finding that one sister who I will treat respectfully and will someday go on to marry. When I can become one with her the way God intended it to be.
-Resisting you.

The way I look at life will be different. I will look at it like this:
-Not a place of slavery; where I am scared.
-But a place of amazing beauty as it was made by HIM.
-Thankfulness will be overflowing from my heart. God gave me not only life and breath itself. But salvation. This world. And everything in it.
-Everything will be treated with respect and care as a true Christian soldier should.
-Reflecting God’s TRUE BEAUTY. Through my faith. My actions. My PURITY.

The way I look at my sisters will be different. In these ways:
-I will not seek out an overexposed leg or low neckline just to have a “quick peek.”
-I will seek out Christ in their lives.
-As I know Christ will be there. He made them.
-I will not be there to treat them nicely for a while and then discard them when it gets too hard or she gets too annoying.
-I will be there to treat them nicely for ETERNITY. Whether I am going out with them or not.
-I will seek out marriage qualities in them and then, only then will I ask respectfully to go out with them and then when we are both ready I will ask once again respectfully for her hand in marriage.
-I will not treat them the way you do.

Sex addict there you are. Enjoy. It’s the last you’re gonna hear from me.

your servant no longer,

Gary