Letter to myself:
After years of sobriety, then years of addiction, then months of sobriety, then falling again. You have left so many doors open and hearts confused – most of all yours. You are damaging your life, your family, and the coming generations. God has a tremendous impact wrapped up in your life, but you have to trust Him enough to allow Him to bring it out. Living in fear, depression, and self-loathing will not bring His will to fruition. Stop trying to be good enough or strong enough or free enough, and just be His son. You tell your kids to simply enjoy you and be grateful – that’s the key to a love-filled life. You must stop trying to be God; stop trying to be something you can’t be. You are a good man and a good father and can be a good husband, but you are a lousy Holy Spirit. You weren’t designed to be Him, so stop trying to do His job. Trust Him to come through and quit trusting in yourself. Make the exchange: His Kingdom of sacred submission over your kingdom of shameful sedition. He is good and He is waiting on His son to simply enjoy Him and be grateful. You can give this to Him. Maybe years ago, you couldn’t. With all the abuse and shame, maybe you couldn’t at that time. Now, you can. Give it away. Don’t fight Him for something you don’t even want; take what He gives that you need. I love you. You are His – trust Him.
Letter from my sex addict:
I hate this. I hate myself. I loath being so weak and frail. I know it’s the enemies plan to shame spiral me into oblivion, but I seem unable to fight it. Oh, sure, I’m good when things are moving forward, but when they settle and the mundane or frustrating set in, I get inundated with temptation. I hate that. I don’t want that crap! I don’t care if it’s the “hottest” such and such to do whatever! I don’t want it! My flesh wants whatever it can get, but I don’t want it! I want to be free and pure. I’ve tasted it – for years I knew freedom. I know I can be free, but sometimes is seems a million miles away and I can’t even begin the journey. Please help me. I know there’s good in me. I know God can free me and I can live free. Please don’t give up on me and bail. Don’t leave me here, broken and depressed. Love me enough to see me through. Love me enough to see me through this mess and take me home. Help me! Help me.