Letter to myself:
What is it that you truly want in life? Simply to consistently seek to serve yourself? Your persistent weakness and boring interests are killing me and robbing us of true enjoyment and of life. How is it possible that you listen to all the logical, scary, and devastating evidence and still choose to ignore it? Let’s just go through them one more time shall we.
You are listening and following lies. There is no satisfaction that comes from using porn. You are tricked into believing that it is harmless because you only seek out stuff that does not appear to be abusing or even seems freely giving. The truth is contrary. The more slick movies often have multiple cameras focused on her to perform (hardly romantic for the subject). The selfshot ones are either desperate women trying to find importance by trying to satisfy a multitude of loners, or have had their trust broken by some jerk who posted a precious gift. Your body is responding to a lie and then you follow your body’s chemical response to that lie in a futile believe that it isn’t a lie. The lie is, is that this woman has posted this for your pleasure only, you are not really hurting anyone by watching, and when the mood takes over the pleasure will be mutual. I wonder if the harshness of the reality (that it’s not actually pleasurable at all) is because the experience is indeed mutual. A woman’s face is a fantastic liar.
You are destroying your marriage. With every encounter with porn you are pulling further away from your wife. I’m not saying this because that’s what the experts say I’m saying it because I’m seeing and feeling it. Our marriage would not be perfect if you didn’t exist, our sex life would probably still be frustrating and confusing. But it would not be clouded by guilt, introspection, and sexual sin (which separates from true closeness).
You are setting your kids up for disaster. There are only two real outcomes if you continue to persist; you get caught by one of them or they get a distorted view of a healthy marriage. The latter will occur either through poor demonstration of a loving husband, or drawing away from them in a perverse attempt to protect them when they get older, or both. Either of these outcomes will be detrimental to their futures and perpetuate an error.
You will likely lose your job or be too embarrassed to continue on there. You have undertaken some risky behaviour which will only serve to destroy us in this regard. It is also affecting your ability to do your work, to be focused, and competent.
You are truly stealing all of my joy in life (wife, family, work, hobbies, satisfaction). By believing the lie and following through with empty gratification you are in all reality stealing our true joy and substituting it with grey.
I’m sick of you dominating so much of my life. What was once a simple pleasure has now morphed into an all-consuming barrier in every facet of my life.
Letter from my sex addict:
Sex is an awesome feeling, it sux that you’re not married to a subservient nympho but porn is more than an adequate substitution for that. In the end it doesn’t matter so long as you don’t fall into the trap of “using” her or feeling guilty for using porn. After all it’s only your guilt that is causing all these problems. You’re not a freak and are respectful in the type of stuff you look at, ultimately it’s all stuff that the woman is a genuinely enjoying and is one of mutual gratification in a clean manner. There is no greater joy or pleasure and immersing yourself in the endorphin release of finding pleasure in the female form and sex.