Letter to myself:

Dear Flesh, Dear Sex Addict,
I’ve allowed you in my life for too long. You believed the lie of the enemy when given the ignorance of the one I respected, my father, and although he claimed victory, you said we would be fine if we just kept going and changed later. But I didn’t. I thought it would stop at anime, I thought it would stop at a non-porn soft-porn website, but it didn’t stop. You monster. I chose to follow you yes, but you lead me down a dark path I would have never wanted to go down. It became unnatural. It became unhealthy. It became about women getting devoured by snakes. Freaking snakes. And it didn’t stop there. All this fantasy you wanted me to believe, all these pretend images, and you told me, “It is just in your imagination, you can live two lives.” But you were a liar. I became afraid of myself. I developed fears that I feel can never be removed. I went to Bible College and found victory for weeks, weeks! But the breaks would always come, as they have now, and you were always waiting to wish me well into your arms, with a knife in your hand ready to strike in your embrace. I fought video games. I have victory there. My God is a God who tramples my enemies (Ps. 108:12-13), and you are standing in my way. I’m done with you, and though my mind isn’t where I would like it to be, nor my heart, I declare war against you. I won’t be afraid of hanging around children and sharing their lives anymore. I won’t be afraid of coming home every break anymore. I won’t be afraid to step into ministry. I won’t be afraid to step into His calling. You have stricken me with fear, but my God will strike you. I can’t win on my own, but I can with God. I intend to take the rest of today, tomorrow, and continue to take you down day by day until I die. And my God will help me. Ever heard of Jericho and Ai? You know it well. You are done today.

Letter from my sex addict:

Foolish Naive Harrison, and Monster,
What is this, your hundredth declaration against me? You really think that this will change you? You sang worship song right before you fulfilled me! You did so with your Bible sitting right next to you! You know the end! You will never make it! Give up! There is no sense in pursuing the lost cause that you do. You said it best yourself, the best ministry you have in the church is taking a bullet for someone who is actually worth God’s time and favor. I’m sorry, strike a chord? But you know it’s the truth. You can’t get past who you are. You may have taken video games with Christ, but this is as far as you go. “The unbeatable level” as you call it. You are everything you imagine yourself to be. You will never be able to be in children’s ministry, and yes, they aren’t from the enemy, they are your own thoughts. It is who you are! Remember what you saw that one time? That one video. Oh yes, saint Harrison, you did close it very quickly, but it is there forever. It became a part of your make-up. Do what you do best and fail. Do what you do best and go watch some youtube videos of people playing video games to make you feel better. And then come to me. I’ll make you feel better. Because you can’t escape me. I will always be here. I am always stronger than you. Always more clever than you. I would go as far to say that you are an idiot. You sure act like one, and you are always so willing to come back to me. If you had the same reverence for God, maybe He would actually talk to you or give you a Spiritual Gift. Whoops, where are my manners, I know you have Daddy issues with the creator of the universe. Really got to watch what you say. Just keep acting innocent to the rest of the world, no cursing, follow the rules, but come back to me. We’ve been doing this for years now, six if my counting is correct. You can’t do this, you know it. Putting down what I would say, if I was indeed a physical entity, is pointless and ultimately a waste of time. You again, can’t beat me. I know and admit you can beat me with God, but I will be there to snatch up whatever He says. Do this month, I don’t care. I can wait. I do for weeks sometimes. But patience is a virtue.