Letter to myself:

You’ve struggled with this addiction on and off now for years. We both know the consequences and how it eats you up inside. It’s a terrible thing that you keep going back to no matter how often you feel guilty about it and how much you don’t want to do it. You know and have experienced the freedom of a porn free life for quite some time. But you still can’t shake it completely. It’s a vicious cycle. You have a girlfriend and she kind of knows about the problem, but I don’t think she knows the extent of it. Not only are you hurting yourself but you are also hurting her through this as well. What if that was her you were watching in one of those videos? Would you still watch them? How would you feel about it? It might be cliche but it’s still as truthful as ever, those girls you are watching are also girlfriends, and sisters, and daughters, and maybe even mothers too. I know you want out, but you have to make a serious change. Pornography is not fun and we both know that. You get a little bit of pleasure and then bam it’s over and the guilt comes pouring in. That small amount of sinful pleasure is not worth a lifetime of guilt.

But there is freedom in Christ. There are some real steps you have to take to find true freedom from pornography. Get into God’s Word more. Spend more alone time with God. Even though you go to Church and are involved that won’t be enough. It’s the time that you spend just you and God that you truly grow and find freedom. The closer you get to God in your faith the further you are from sin and the stronger you are against temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” There is ALWAYS a way out of temptation.

You also need to recognize those triggers. Get off of the internet and even your phone when you are alone. You know they hold so many temptations and you find ways to get away with watching porn even when there are restrictions and blocks. So if you need to fast the internet and certain things for a while because they cause temptation…DO IT! Do not hesitate. Even as you read this you might hesitate thinking about doing it, but don’t. Just do it because the time fasting will be beneficial and help you avoid temptation and sin.

You also need to be open and honest about this. People do know about your addiction, but you need to ask for help. I know you hate doing this with anything, but in this case you need help. You have only proven that you can only go so long without help. Talk to your best friend, your parents, and girlfriend. And be ready to accept any consequences that might come. You know the people in your life love you no matter what and they will be willing to help you break this and fight this.

Lastly, take this day by day. You worry about the future too much and you need to take this battle step by step. It will be a struggle, but it is worth it. If you mess up, keep pushing forward. Forget the guilt and receive God’s grace and forgiveness. No matter how bad you mess up, Jesus still died for your sins and you are forgiven.

I love you and so does God. Never forget that. Your sin does not pale in comparison to God’s grace and the freedom you can have in Christ. You can do this, you can beat this struggle. You’ve done it before and I know you can do it again, this time for good. NEVER GIVE UP!

Letter from my sex addict:

I’ve become quite the issue for some years now. Holding you back, keeping you from reaching your full potential. I’m sorry about that, I never meant to get this deep. It all seemed so harmless at first and I never grasped the weight that this all would hold. But then it escalated and I lost control. I never wanted to become addicted. I convinced the both of us for so long that we were never addicted, and I could stop whenever, but that was not the case. I avoided being truthful about this problem and that always hurt you. You just wanted to be free and I kept holding you back. The guilt that I carry sometimes is too much to even bare. It weighs me down and then I weigh you down. I should have let you move on but this was just all too embarrassing. Now is the time though that you should go. It’s a new year, a new day, and there is never a better time to be free than right now. I’ve been a hindrance and I don’t want that for you anymore. Once you let go of me, we’ll both be free. You don’t need porn or any of that. It’s a waste of time. The joy I know that you feel without it is beyond comparison. There are so many other things you can do and enjoy that are miles better than pornography. You love sports and gaming, you love to drive and read, you love your girlfriend and being a gentlemen. It’s time to pick all of those things back up and also pursue God first and foremost. Forget about the guilt that I carry and sin that I bring, leave me in the past. I’m sorry for the problems I’ve caused and the shame that I’ve brought. When you grow older and get married and have a beautiful life, don’t remember me. But please, help others with the same problem that you had. I wish that I had never put you through this, but I know you will learn from it and use your experience as a testimony to help others going through the same thing. I am nothing special, in fact I am just like millions of other guys. But you will be so much better off without me. Your life will never look the same again, and that is a good thing. You will have so much freedom it’s unreal. Replace me with things much greater, replace me with Christ. Christ took your sins and He will take me away too. I am only a part of your past and nothing more. Your past has nothing on you, it is only your present that defines you. God has greater things in store for you, and I am not part of that. Always look forward, focusing on God and nothing else. Then you will be free of me, free from pornography and sin. Pornography and masturbation have no hold on you. Don’t look back now, goodbye and godspeed. Run towards your freedom in Christ.