Letter to myself:
Hello unhealthy lover. We been together since the sexual abuse as a child. I was introduced to you by my family members, and childhood friends said it was okay to be with you. My sister, cousins, and friends made it clear it was okay to be sexual early in life. You took my innocence at 10 through a dark room, loud music, and a cousin who rejected my cry for help, from a nice but evil stranger who stole my inner beauty. He stole my virginity, and took it by force. His intention was to keep his “dirty little secret”, to fulfill is desires and provide pleasure and leave feeling rejected, used and abused. I was lead to believe it was okay to be sexual early on life. Watching porn based on my cousin perspective was normal and healthy. I believed sex was good for me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I felt a rush of euphoria, love, acceptance, to condemnation, when I had numerous, sexual encounters, and when I masterated and watched porn I feel on top of the world. I felt I can conquer anything. I compromise my faith for you, my friendships, my job if caught, my self esteem, my sanity, relationship with future spouse, being platonic friends with men, and not seeing women as competition but as equals, not seeing men and women through the eyes of lust, envy and sexual perversion, and through the eyes of porn. I now want to see men and women through Gods eyes of unconditional love not through my old eyes anymore. Also you took away my health as well. I made I vow at 10 years old when I was raped I rather be fat and unattractive, and fit and attractive. I realized that I made to be with you addiction cause me hell and I’m ready to break from your lies, sweet talk, words smooth like butter, and constant whispers of lies saying “Give into me” , no will want you. Your fat, black, dark skinned , down right ugly, so use me up into you and fully trapped my love(lust). I will give you everything only, if bow down to me for life. We can use sex toys, porn, sleepless nights filled with, guilt, shame, tears, bondage is what I give you. I now divorce you porn/masterbation. I take a stand to be the bride of Jesus Christ. For in him I am truly free.
Letter from my sex addict:
Hey. Baby why you doing this to me? I love cough cough lust for you. You are my slave and will always be my bitch. I love it when you give into me, and begg for me. I will take you into sexual perversions you never think of doing. I know you mad at me right, but you will get over it and come back for more. Damn it I own you and will never let you go. We been together 27 years longer than most marriages. I’m gonna be there in the healing process, I will be there in your relationship and in your honeymoon and I’m your marriage. I will rule your entire life and watch die in your sins. We will be together for all eternity, to death do us part.