Dear Addicted self,
I’m writing to you because you’ve caused me a problem. A dysfunctional pattern of sexual behavior.
I hate you, because you always make me feel like crap. You separate me from God and make me feel like my prayers aren’t worthy to be heard because I’m dirty. You satisfy for only minutes of my day and then leave me empty and sad. Your a lier. You counterfeit a good time and say you will make me feel better. You tell me it isn’t a huge deal because your not hurting anyone. For years now you have convinced me to cover it up and minimize the issue in my mind, You have bound me to be ashamed of myself. There is no love in you just self-fishness.
However my level of awareness seems to have gone to a new level due to counseling,accountability.and the steps Im are initiating towards recovery. The process seems long and currently slow. You are an addiction that is severe because it dominates me. This sexual addiction controls me and leaves me with no self-control. There is a demonic spirit behind this ridiculous cycle. I have accepted Jesus into my life, however there is a deep root that I’m still unsure about that has not been accessed by the Holy Spirit because I have not given him permission. I believe it’s time to ask and pray the Holy Spirit to show me the ties I’m holding on too, when that happens i will ask him to come in and truly deliver and set me free. This might not be easy however I will remember persistence is key and God doesn’t withhold any good thing from his children. I believe I have been connecting the dots within this time of recovery however there is something bigger that Im are missing. Let’s revise the unhealthy behaviors; masterbation,pornography -use, homosexual thoughts,feelings and behaviors and non-committed relational sexual encounters with the opposite sex. I agree this has been a difficult past year of constant unwanted behaviors. It’s time to create a system to master and have some behavior management. An initial plan has already been tested however the attempts to sobriety with in the past months have not shown consistent positive results, here is a greater approach to ending these behavior patterns that I will take beginning with changing my number and deleting every persons phone number who is dangerous for me in order to live a life that is recovered. This will mean deleting them as well as blocking them completely off Facebook, Instagram Skype, and SnapChat. I will purposely distance myself from these people for a whole year and pray about a lifetime. I will not give out my number or Facebook to any first time encounters if they show any type of romantic interest in me. Diana learn to grow in vulnerability, transparency, and fully trusting your accountability partners. I commit to a mindset of calling my accountability partners in times of wanting to act out for support instead of waiting until after the battle. Diana, you need your partners to fight with you in the mist not just cheering you on from the sidelines or coaching you. Be honest with yourself,God and others about your Thoughts,emotions and relapses, remember this is not a sprint it is a marathon. You must commit to spiritual practices such as fasting and prayer, biblical study and commit to a corporate prayer time once a week at church. You must attempt to be apart of a support group and 12 step program while attending Counseling. Also continue with your battle logging and accountability meetings and educating yourself through books about similar struggles. I would suggest you initiate calls/texts/ or emails once a week with each accountability partner for consistent communication. Write these scriptures on your heart; John 16:33 He has overcome the world and 1 John 4:4 NLT”But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” You must make a commitment to God to abstain from pornography and Adultery. Psalm 97:10
“Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked”. You must accept that these behaviors prevent you from being in a authentic relationship with God it’s more than religion and performance, it’s not about church attendance it’s about establishing a true relationship with the holy spirit that is not on your terms but surrendering and committing to him truthfully. You must accept that you have been living a lifestyle of sin. God can set you free if your willing to be set free.
I believe this year is your year of overcoming. You will have to change your beliefs about yourself and about men and the way you perceive sex. This is a new season of inner healing to becoming a better you, don’t look at purity as a homework assignment rather as a lifestyle. Addicted self I will overcome you and I will kill you.
Sex addict Conqueror