Letter to myself:

Take a look at all the moments in your life that you’ve wasted on porn and masturbation. You counted up the minutes at one point during the EMB weekend. It’s only increased since then. I’m so proud of you and all the steps you’ve taken and all the work you’ve done to bring those down. You’re doing better than you’ve done since those first few times five years ago. You’re learning to trust God with your sinful desires and you’re learning that trusting in Him for joy is so much more worth it, and I’m so proud of you! I can’t believe that you’re growing.

But you know that it’s still there and that you need work. Yes, we all need work. Remember that! Don’t ever expect yourself to be perfect, because you won’t be. And you don’t have to be! That’s the beautiful thing about grace – we don’t have to be perfect. You’re reading “One Way Love” by Tullian Tchividjian right now. Remember what he wrote – “Jesus came to liberate us from the weight of having to make it on our own, from the demand to measure up. He came to emancipate us from the burden to get it all right, from the obligation to fix ourselves, find ourselves, and free ourselves. Jesus came to release us from the slavish need to be right, rewarded, regarded, and respected” (36). So no matter what, no matter how much you sin, no matter how crappy you feel about yourself: you are loved by God. Remember that. Please. I can’t emphasize how important that is.

But let’s get real for a minute, or ten. You cannot keep on succumbing to those temptations. There is no universe where that is a helpful and encouraging thing. Think about your desires. You want to get married. You want to have kids. You want to do something for God with your life. You’re hindering those things with your actions and your thoughts. You are 100 percent forgiven for each one, but there are consequences for sin regardless of your standing with God. Yours, as a Christian, aren’t eternal, they’re temporal. Your standing with God doesn’t change, remember that.

Do you want to be free? Yes you do! Believe it! It’s possible. Remember what Jesus said, that with God all things are possible. It is possible for you to never look at porn ever again. IT IS POSSIBLE! Chase after that! Never quit. Be relentless. Do whatever is necessary. It is 100 percent worth it.

I don’t really know what else to say to you in this letter. I like where you’re headed, I like the progress you’ve already been making. But don’t settle for that. Don’t settle! More is possible. Lean on the power of Jesus that is in you. What does God give His children? “A spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). Lean in on that and trust God. You’ve doubted Him enough times to know that doing that is foolish and gets you nowhere. TRUST!

You are ready to be free. I believe that you can do it with the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through you. Trust God.

Letter from my sex addict:

Hey. You hate this part of yourself, the part I represent. I know that. I’m aware of that. And I think you’re getting to the point you’re ready to ditch me for good. And that’s fine. You’d like to be done for good, but I’m probably going to be sticking around for a while. Just letting you know. I’m part of your sin nature, perhaps the biggest and most influential part. I won’t leave easy.

But as I said before, I know you want to be done with me. So do what you’ve got to do, I suppose. Just know that I’m offering pleasures galore. Things you’ll never be able to experience otherwise. So what are you going to do about it?