Letter to myself:

For many years I have given you a certain amount of control over my life. Knowing this was wrong but finding myself powerless to resist temptation time and time again. . In the times that you were not in control I could fool myself, telling myself how happy I was and how little I needed you. I have days when I rejoice in my God when you are gone and then spend hours despairing and feeling that guilt and pain when I have succumbed to these desires again. Then there are times when I am so low and numb that I feel nothing at all. But I write this as I am not willing to let you have control of me any longer and with the help of my God and Saviour I am going to regain my freedom from you. Yes I am a sinner and unworthy of God’s grace and mercy, and yet I have received it. I am going to live in the life and light of this truth and trust that God has chosen me and loves me personally and deeply. I acknowledge that this is not going to be an easy struggle but I’m doing this for myself, my friends, my family and mostly my God. I will no longer lie to myself and others by living this secret life of shame, but I’ll fight it and with God’s grace and faithfulness day by day I’ll be a slave to you no longer.

Letter from my sex addict:

You really think you can do this?! Tell me just how many times you’ve tried this before? Well that tells me that you failed. I’ll always be here…perhaps you’ll manage a day, 5 days, a month without me, but then I’ll come back to hurt you again. You will be empty and numbed. You will turn back to that which you rejected and find it just as unfulfilling and meaningless as before and then I will have the victory. I will win this battle and I will make you sad. You think you and your God can beat me? I have my doubts…see you on the other side.