Staying diligent for so many reasons.

Letter to myself:

Dear Sex Addict,

I am finally aware of just how invasive you have become in my life. And how much pain you are causing. I know that you will be trying to grab a hold of me at every corner, but I plan to arm myself to fight against you. I know the cost and I’m willing now to be honest about what you are doing to my life and how I can stop you.

You have blinded me. I felt you weren’t doing anything wrong, but just making things easier since my wife didn’t seem to want any part of me. That is a lie. She didn’t want any part of me because of what you were doing and how that made her feel. She felt like a piece of meet. NO MORE LIES about this being because of her past. This is your fault. She says she is done with me, but I know that what she’s had enough of is you. I plan on getting rid of you so that she can be treated as the wonderfully God created woman that she is. I plan on being open and honest about what I am going through and have done so that she can see the real me as God intended and NOT YOU!

I have three boys that need a better example and I refuse to let you be any part of that example. I plan on arming them with the tools they need to see you coming and fight to keep you from their lives.

How am I going to rid myself of you and protect myself from your return? First, pray daily. I’ll be asking God for strength and direction because with Him I can do anything. Second, I will have a few accountability partners who are willing to be open and honest with me and confront me on things even if it’s hard. Third, I will identify areas that may be temptations so I can plan on how to deal with them BEFORE I am in those situations. Fourth, I will get professional help. Someone that can be honest about just how hard this will be, and can help me get the tools to get through it. And finally, I’ll become more active in the areas that I should. No more staying up late alone in the room with a computer “killing time”. I will be active in my wife’s life, kids lives, my church. I will seek to be the man God has planned for me by seeking Him daily.

There is no room for you. I will continue to look for new tools to help me. To share honestly with others about my struggles. To never become complacent that I have you beat. I will not turn my back on you thinking you are done and allow you to sneak up on me again.

I plan to fight. You won’t find any open arms here any more. My God, my wife and my kids are too important to me to ever be your friend again. Goodbye, and I hope to never see your ugly face around here again.

Seriously stay out!

Kelsy

Letter from my sex addict:

You think you have it all figured out. You feel so confident. I know you. You are always second guessing yourself and feeling like a failure. You’re going to fail at this too. I’ll be waiting for the first slip up and then remind you of all your failures. You’ll never want to get back up again. I’ll be here to say “See I told you that you couldn’t do this”. I’ll make sure everyone around you sees you for the failure you are.

You think you can plan for me? I’ll pop up in places you never expected and you won’t be ready to deal with me. Fight me? You will be a push over. When you have been struggling for a while all I’ll have to do is give you a little push and down the hill you’ll go. And then I’ll be here to remind you how your plans have failed. AGAIN!

You think you can keep me away from your boys? I’m everywhere these days. They have already caught a glimpse of me even if they don’t know it. In the movies they watch, commercials they see, and I’m all over the internet and so are they. We are going to be great friends. And when they go down that road, I’m going to remind you again of how you failed. Of how your “plans” to keep me away didn’t work. So why keep trying? Doesn’t it seem like too much work? Just come sit with me a while and you’ll feel better…for now.

Looking forward to seeing you soon.

The addict.