Letter to myself:

Hey, it’s me. I know that you’re struggling right now. You feel guilty about how your pornography problem if affecting your relationship. I understand that. You feel as if your relationship with God is dependent upon your “beating” this problem. It’s not.

Noelle and I are desperately in love, more so than ever before. I dare say you are incapable of imagining it at this point in your fight, but trust me. The struggle is worth it. You’ll be able to manage your thoughts. You’ll be able to relax your mind. There won’t be any lingering thoughts of other women when you make love to Noelle. It’s pure and beautiful and sweet and intimate. It is worth all the struggle you put into it. I promise.

You’re going to fall along the way. You’re going to stop and wonder why you’re even trying…you’ll feel as if the fight is hopeless. Struggle on, struggle well. Love her and depend on the Lord for strength.

Letter from my sex addict:

I feel so weak right now. When the feeling comes over me and I cannot even think straight. It seems that nothing I try really works in not succumbing. I think I can do it; I think I can’t do it. I feel so guilty for hurting Noelle and estranging myself from her by way of this mental poison. I feel as the King of Rohan, weak and possessed by my own Sauroman, serving pornography’s whim: Sauron. I’m also into LOTR right now in case that did not occur to you. I know that pornography affects my attention span, my ability to relax without being bored, and my ability to interact with women without objectifying them. I need help. I need purity for my mental health’s sake. It seems so easy just to slip into pornography and tell myself it’s fine…to try and justify it by suppressing my own knowledge about its effects and ignoring my moral sensibilities. I can’t give up. I must fight. I believe I can do it. I need to do it. I need help.