Letter to myself:

Dear addict, you have made me feel so many things and said so many hurtful things to me. Despite all of this, I’ve still given you a place to sleep inside my head for a longer time that I like to think about. You have made me feel great for 10 minutes, and worthless for 1,000. I want to see you be what I know you can be. Something amazing. Something completely impactful and inspirational to everyone around you. Something that people actually want to be around. I have so many dreams for my life that I know you once shared. You weren’t always what you are now. You used to be someone that I wanted to have around. You were space and time in my head that was pure and devoted to bettering others and making a difference in and around me. I know I let you be corrupted, and you embraced it willingly. Not a day goes by that I want to go back to the first day and turn around and run hard. Run away from what ruined our life for a time. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I’ve since found other places to put the things you used to be. But it’s never been the same. I want the old you back. The one that doesn’t fight me for far too long every day to take my mind places it shouldn’t go. I struggle with these things as a young man, but you have only made them far worse. I know that we have done fairly well for a while now, or at least good for us. But I want to go from good to better. I won’t let you stand in my way of what God has called me to do with my life. No, I want you standing right beside me as something completely new and restored to what I once had you be. I know this is what you want too. We are closing one door and opening another. Let’s hope we have the courage to face the hallways.

Letter from my sex addict:

I have nothing to say to you except that I know who you really are. A worthless piece of trash that is delusional for having dreams as high as you do. You know that the harder you try to get away from me the harder I run in front of you. I am your worst nightmare and your darkest secret. Something you will never be able to beat. You started, and you’ll never stop. You will live alone forever in shame and regret. 20 days without me is nothing compared to the time you’ve spent with me. You know you can’t forget about me, so why try? You need me.