Letter to myself:

Yesterday was Father’s day. I am not a father. Why?” You guessed it Porn!! My wife has accepted this and she is aware of my weakness and she stands by me thanks to God!! But every so often she says what do you think our daughter would have looked like or don’t you wish you had children? We were created by God to be fruitful and multiply and model the Trinity (Father loves the Son and Son loves the Father and the result is the spirit of God) Now in my 60’s i regret the choices i have made. It is very hard for me to accept that God loves me and has other plans for me. I dwell too much on my past sins and i know i should not!! I have tried too long to “just stop” and when i fail as i knew deep down i would the cycle starts over again. I once read a quote from CS Lewis about how porn (masturbating) turns love inward and not out ward where it belongs. and it is like a harem that is always there but it will never let you go!! If you are a point of deciding whether or not to travel down this road, DO NOT DO IT the cost is way too High!!

Letter from my sex addict:

I am sorry that i made bad choices for you. I tried for a along time to find someone to blame for my actions. My early education in the 60’s and 70’s at a parochial school did not go anywhere near this topic. My parents did not either. I went to a church affiliated school and Porn was everywhere. My roommate and my frat brothers were into it too! I was so unprepared for marriage it was not even funny and yet there i was. I was not till i began to teach a confirmation course in decision making that i realized that only i am to blame and i could have chosen better. I did it so i could belong but the cost was way too high!! hopefully i can forgive myself and see that even after 40 some years i still am a child of God and forgiven and loved! AMEN