Dear pornography,
I have been dealing with this problem since I was a teenager. I am now 21, married and am very happy with myself, my marriage and my friendship with my Lord and Savior.
I watched my first video at the age of 15 and I was curious. Since then, I began watching it over and over again, until it got to the point where I was watching it almost everyday. Once I was addicted, I began watching all kind of videos – straight, lesbian and sometimes teen.
You overpowered my life and forced me to watch you, even though I had better things to do with my time. You made me believe in order for girls to be accepted by other men, I need to have big boobs, a tight body and a gap between my thighs. You made me feel unaccepted, unloved and not appreciative of myself, as well as my body.
When I got married, I thought I felt you behind. Once the stress of marriage came along, I began to fear. I needed a distraction. So I sat down with my laptop and watched porn while my husband wasn’t at home.
After I watched you do your daily routines of teasing, stripping and ruining, I put down my computer and began to cry. I knew I had a problem. I knew it for a long time. But you forced me to believe that this was okay. That it was okay for me to keep this a secret. That it was okay that I was looking at other men and women, other than my husband. That it was okay to watch everyday but Sunday.
Thanks to you, my relationship with my Lord has not been the same. I am reminded everyday of the power you have on me, but, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery and I am going to stay clean because that is the right thing to do.
Even though I recently got married, my marriage almost ended in a divorce because I couldn’t admit I had a problem to the person who loves me the most.
You have ruined my life from the first day I set my 2 brown eyes on the screen of the computer. Today is day 1 of being clean. I will no longer make you apart of my life. Today is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24)
Instead of giving into temptation, I will meditate and take time out of my day to meet with the Lord in prayer. I will spend my time meeting in the house of the Lord and continue to improve the relationship I have with my husband because I love him and he loves me. He accepted me, as well as size 12 body. I don’t need to have big boobs, a tight body and skinny thighs to keep him happy. I wish I could thank you for the positive results this has resulted in, however, there are no positive results. You have ruined my life. You will continue to ruin the life of other people around the world. You will continue to take money from people, even though they are poor. You will continue to ruin the lives of young girls and boys and make them believe you are the god of the younger generation.
You turned my life into a mess. But the Lord died for me on the cross. He loves me and He turned my mess into a message. He turned my test into a testimony and finally, you made me into a victim of pornography, but He made this victim into a victory.
Sincerely not yours,
Katherine