Letter to myself:

Dear sexual addict, you have hurt me so much. You have held me in a cycle of deep shame and intense self hatred for 9 years. I cannot express how much pain you have caused me, and how much you have hurt my relationship with God and others. You have hurt others as well, you taught them through your actions that they were not worth any more than what they could offer sexually. You took advantage of the sexual brokenness of others in order to fill your own desires. You taught me a lot of lessons that are not true. You taught me that I was worthless and that I could only find love from others sexually. You taught me that I would never overcome the shame of what I had done, and that no one would love me if they truly knew everything I had done. You told me everyday that I would never be free. You even told me that God was done forgiving me, and that He would never love me or like me while I struggled. This is a goodbye letter. Before I leave you I am going to tell you a few things. I am so sorry that you were exposed to such vile things at such a young age. I am sorry that you carried all that shame for so long. I am sorry for your brokenness. However, it is time for me to leave you for good. Here is what I will do. I will live in the truth that I have a new identity in Christ, and that you and what you have done will not define who I am. I will remind myself that I belong to God and not you. When I am lonely or sad, or stressed, I will not come to you for help, I will run to Jesus my Abba and Daddy. I will be honest with myself and others, and I will not live in darkness anymore. I will acknowledge the past, but I will not let it define my future, because you don’t own me anymore. I will rest on the Grace of God, and live in His truth. I know you will be around, but through the help of Jesus you will no longer take hold of my life. Goodbye forever. -Ben

Letter from my sex addict:

Hey Ben. I am so very sorry for everything I have done. I was so scared, so confused, and so ashamed. I didn’t know how to choose a better way. I know that we need to part ways, because I don’t know how to live without hurting you. Run far far away from me, and do not look back, and when I come knocking at your door don’t let me in, because even though I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t know how to do anything else. I will be around, but do not try to talk to me. Remember me, but don’t ever try to bring me back into your life. I know that you have tried to leave me before and it didn’t work, so I really hope that you stay away this time for your own sake. Make it real this time, and give up on me. Save yourself from me. I am filled with nothing but Shame and regret, and you have a chance at new life, a new identity. Run there Ben, and never seek me out again, because I will hurt you and those you love, it is all that I do. I am so sorry for all that I have done. Goodbye Ben. -Sexual addict.