Going back to my youth, from the day I found a “dirty” magazine on the side of the road, I began the course of becoming a “sex addict”. This progressed over the years to watching xxx movies on Satellite TV as often as I could (whenever I was alone). I even had 5 satellite dishes, pretending that I bought them so I can watch lots of sports! I traded in the dishes, and switched to cable TV, hoping that I could “curb” the problem. This just led me to ordering xxx movies off PPV TV instead, (while I was alone of course). Realizing the problem was becoming out of control, I finally opened up to the men in our church about my addiction in 2007. This in turn helped other men “come out of the closet” with their addictions as well! This started the process of God showing me that I could have victory over this addiction, and I did, for about 6 months. Despite attending a weekly accountability group, for which I was the leader, I still would sometimes fall back into “porn binges”, and I had too much pride to confess this to our men, until long after the fact. I eventually confessed everything to my wife and daughter, and obviously hurt, they admired my honesty and willingness to step out of this addiction, and to stand by other addicted men as well that were seeking help. I did some practical steps, such as installing x3 watch on my computer, allowing my wife to set a parental secret code on the TV, and to keep it from me, as well as attend workshops on purity. The only problem was that I was relying on these “safeguards” only, and not surrendering this part of my life to Jesus Christ! This caused me to still go on “binges”, by uninstalling my x3 watch software and lying to me accountability partner about why. (Again, this was a pride issue). Since the TV was still locked out, this gave me once again an open door to search for porn whenever I desired on the computer again, for which I spent countless hours. Eventually, I would re-install x3 watch again to try and get my life back in order, only to once again repeat this same process.
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