Dear Addicted Self,
You have been with me for a long time. I thought you were my friend. Sometimes I was so lonely you were the only “friend” I had. But after experiencing true intimacy with my wife, I know that you were only deceiving me to make me feel better about myself.
The way I stated it, it sounds like you had my best interests in mind. But we both know that was not the case. When I could’ve been investing time in relationships with real people near where I live I lost those opportunities in order to feed in to the lies you taught me. In fact, my relationship with wife almost ended when we were dating because of you.
I am writing this letter to tell you goodbye. I know that this will not be easy because you constantly taunt me, especially when I am alone and my wife is far away. Just today, you found a way to seep into my thoughts and watch a movie Sinae had downloaded that I shouldn’t have been watching without wife in the room.
So I’m going to make a game plan. First, I’m changing the way I believe about myself.
I am worth saving.
I am worth being loved.
I am loved by many just the way I am.
I deserve to be protected.
I belong to God in Christ by the Holy Spirit and with God’s help you don’t stand a chance.
I am okay with being me.
Second, I will be a truth teller.
I will not lie to…
1. My church cell group
2. My accountability partners
3. My pastors
4. My family
5. And especially not to my wife, Sinae.
When I lie, I will apologize and proceed to tell the truth.
I will tell the truth no matter the consequence.
Third, I will protect myself.
I will attend the meeting with my cell group every Sunday.
I will attend church faithfully.
I will seek a spiritual advisor.
I will read one book a month on healthy intimacy/victory over pornography etc.
I will call someone daily.
I will meditate and pray daily.
I will take care of my body.
Fourth, I will change my belief about God.
I belong to God. I am God’s.
God does love me.
God accepts me in Christ.
God wants to save me.
From this day forward, I will live my life differently. I will no longer live in the guilt and shame of what you have convinced me to do. I will seek to forget our fellowship but be very mindful of your constant attempt to torment me and to see me ruin my life. I know I can’t do this alone and will therefore seek to build an army around me, starting with God.
No longer yours truly.