Letter to myself:
Dear Sex addict,
You thought you were pretty clever, Im sure. The way that you repeatedly convinced me that I was one step from stopping this habit and that every time I acted out, it was for the last time. You set me up for greater disappointment and feeling of failure so that at some point the fight would become overwhelming. Then you thought you would have me for life, or at least the best parts of it. You had me look at everything an everyone around me and judge success or failure by them but it’s clearly written in the Word of God: “set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God” You’ve had me thinking about things of earth.
You’ve had me justify my sins saying things like, “everyone else is doing it” or, “won’t God just forgive you?” It’s written: “Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God”
Clearly I cannot have this sin in my life and pretend to be a follower of Jesus Christ.
“Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God”
You’ve lied to me saying that in the moment of desire and temptation, my personal satisfaction and release is worth the cost that I am paying for my life, my future marriage, my future family, my ministry, my relationship with God. IT is not worth the cost, and it never ever will be and Im tired of getting scammed.
God is disciplining me because He loves me: “No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord”.
God is teaching me because He loves me: “But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don’t need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true—it is not a lie”
God has forgiven me in Jesus Christ because He loves me: “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness”
God will see this to the end because He loves me: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”
I am FREE, sex addict, from you and the sin that you thrive on because it is written:
“There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
“For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”
“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child.”
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery”
You see, my freedom does not give me license to satisfy your urges and prompting. I am truly free but that does not give me excuse to sin. If you haven’t noticed, I put much value in the living Word of God which says: “For you are free, yet you are God’s slaves, so don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do evil”
I am loved by God, my creator, my father. I call him “Abba” (daddy) and He has given me the power of the Holy Spirit. The same mighty power that rose Christ from the Dead on Easter. Wow! He promised to always show me mercy by showing me a way out of each temptation you give as it comes.
I have not yet won the battle, but in Christ I HAVE won the War!
To prove your defeat, I now resolve to:
1) Stay accountable
2) Keep the filter and accountability software subscription going until I am sure that I am sure I don’t require it, even if thats 30 years from now.
3) Stop lying to my accountability partner. To be honest and tell him when and how I slip up from now on.
4) Stop lying to God and those around me, pretending to be someone I am not.
5) Stop using my laptop, my number 1 source of temptation, your number weapon, late at night, a time which, as you well know, I struggle the most.
6) Start every day with prayer and meditation on the Word of God as I used to do faithfully. I will defeat you with the Sword of the Spirit and intimacy with God. Once the craving for intimacy in fulfilled, well I don’t see myself needing it from a woman on a screen.
7) Find a wife who loves God and the Bible as much or more than myself. I will tell her upfront of my struggle and include her in keeping me accountable, no matter the cost. Not pretend that will solve my problems, yet greatly aid me as I learn to love and honor her above every other woman on the earth.
Everything I have suffered until now will only make me stronger because God works “all things together for my good”. You think you win because you’ve done lasting damage but let me remind you that God has the power of healing and I have been given”all of the spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus” Thank you for providing the opportunity to be desperate for God and to learn to persevere.
This sexual sin has been passed down from I don’t know how many generations until mine, but I want you to know that it ends here! I will finish it for good. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” and “the power of the life giving spirit has set me free from the power of sin which leads to death!”
Jesus Christ has set me free and therefore, in Him I am free indeed!
Without regrets,
Benedict
Letter from my sex addict:
Dear Wishful thinking,
You think you’re finished with me? How many times have I heard you say those same words and quote your scripture? I love our situation. I feel really good about it and I realy don’t believe anything is going to change!
Twenty four hours. That’s how long I am willing to bet it takes before you stumble and fall into every single trap I’ve laid for you. In fact I actually don’t NEED to do a thing. This culture your’e now living in will do the trick! Just watch a bit of TV. Play Xbox, or, I know! Watch a movie that’s harmless enough right?? Hollywood got your tounge? HA.
You want intimacy? I got it. wont even cost you a thing. Theres so much free porn out there.. man. 1, 2. 3 girls and 6 dudes driving a fire truck doing it upside down? Any fantasy you want, I can get you right to it.
You want pleasure? Man, you know how much you enjoy that orgasm? It don’t last long but neither does the time it takes to want it again! Hey we could make this a thing for a long time!
I can’t wait to destroy you. Destroy your marriage, you family, your ministry, your relationship with your God. I can’t wait to watch you pretend you’ll quit just to run back begging me for more.
You got alot of nerve bro. Ill make you a deal. How’s that sound? You make it for the next 30 days, thats right. The rest of the month, thats it… and I’ll leave you alone. Cold turkey. See ya later. Gone!
I promise. 30 days… cmon… you scared?? Can’t resist? Need your fix? Can’t fight the desire?
I cant wait to see you fail. I thrive on your failure and is the reason I still exist. 11 years. That’s how long we’ve been doing this thing. I don’t expect that will stop any time soon.
Well all I gotta say is good luck. Go and trust your Jesus. Go and pray to your God. see you in a few.
With devilish expectation,
Your old self, the sex addict