To Myself and from “myself”

Letter to myself:

Dear addict,

Let me start of by saying that ‘I HATE YOU’!! It’s taking all that is within myself to hold back but enough is enough. You have done more to me than you are probably aware of. You live in the shadows ready to pounce on me when I am alone or feel vulnerable. Its time to stop being in the dark about this, its coming out into the light whether you like it or not and quite franckly, I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU FEEL ABOUT IT. So sit back and let me tell you how you have ruined my life.

1. You’ve stripped relationships away from me. Friendships lost because of you.
2. Lost other peoples trust.
3. severed my oneness with the Father.
4. emotional pain due to you.
5. not desiring a relationship with someone.
6. hurt my future wife and family.
7. countless nights I sit and wonder who I have become
8. doubts about my faith, If I know I am truly saved. ( I know that I am)
9. lost a desire for worship and heavenly pleasures.
10. you constantly drag me back to you, even after I strive to pull away.

These are just a few things that you have caused in my life. I want you to know that because of Christ and his death have killed you. It is no longer you living but Christ living inside me. My God is a God that shares the throne with no one. You have taken Him off of the throne and have placed yourself on that throne. Instead of showing Him affection whole heartedly, it is rather a half affection. Well its time for you to kindly remove yourself from that throne, its not yours to rightfully own, it belongs to the Lord. He alone is the supreme affection of my life. You have no place in my life anymore. You tried to ensnare me, you tried to tell me that God has given up on me, that I am alone and have no one to turn to. But I’m here to tell you that is a LIE, God revealed Himself to me in Jan 2011 in my freshman dorm hall, that was the day that half the battle was WON. I no longer looked to you to satisfy, to depend on. I think you realize that you cant have me whole, so you want to try to steer me off the path and deter my walk with God. So far you have done an okay job at getting me to fall back into some sin patterns but what you have failed to do is make me desire porn.

That part of me is no longer here, that person is dead, Christ is alive in me this day, that doesn’t mean that i’m completely healed, you must know that, but that desire is GONE, it no longer consumes me, that is so much freedom in knowing that, that you don’t own me anymore, that I am free just as the Father intended it. So if you would be so kind as to pack your things and NEVER COME BACK, I don’t need you, I have all that I need in Christ and in Him and Him ALONE will I find my ultimate satisfaction and joy. So get to stepping. Dont come back now ya’ hear.

signed Ex-Slave
Matt

Letter from my sex addict:

Matt,

You think you can just drop me after all we’ve been through? After all we saw and did? How can you just leave me? I don’t think you will last 2 weeks without me. You’ll come running back like you always do, just to get that buzz or hit in order to make you feel better about yourself. Things at work are stressful, doubts and seeing everyone else succeed get to you I know. After all I was there during those times you know. You know as well as I do that you love to look at porn, deep down you like it. You like looking at images and wish that it was you in that scene. You have never had anyone look at you and say that they find you attractive, so in that you wanted to fit in and porn and lust was that way to get in with the guys. Only to find out that they left you and now look at where you are. Alone, sad, fustrated, just where I want you.
No one cares about you, they’ve all left. Your alone, if they cared they would be there for you.

Remember those times you would get off the bus and go sit on the computer before your dad got home from work just to watch porn. Those times when you watched in college, in apartments, and even now just tonight. I got you there. See your mine, and mine alone. You have no purpose in this life, you are unloveable, you will be single the rest of your life, your relationship with God severed. Right now I’m your “god” im on the throne. You’ve tried to rid yourself of me by running to God but you always run back just like I know you will. You say that I was killed in 2011 right, then why am I still here? Why do you still look at porn and masterbate? Is it something your seeking that your not getting elsewhere, I know it is. You are nothing without me, what will you do? Where will you go, who will you turn to? Like I said I give this a few weeks if you make it that far, I know you’ll fail, you always do.

I’ll be waiting for you to come back.
haha