Letter to myself:
Hey you…yes you Mr. Sex Addict….
I’m tired of you. It’s always felt as if you own me, as if I’m really just a ticking time bomb, waiting until the next moment to explode. You’ve gotten me to think that in reality I’m not over you, and I never will be. All the talk I talk and all the “measures” I put in place, you’ve effectively found a way to get me to doubt everything that I’ve prayed or said. You’ve beaten me to a pulp and now I FEEL AS IF I’M HELPLESS. But that’s where you’re WRONG!!!! I may be down but I am not out. I refuse to be out. I refuse to give up and give in. No matter how many times I have fallen and said “this is the last time” and then fallen again I choose to believe that I can still make it. You’ve caused me to call myself a hypocrite time and time again because I would say I’m done and then a couple weeks later, say I’m done again., HELPLESS! You made me feel so helpless. But let me reiterate, you are WRONG! I am not helpless, I am STRONG. I’m not strong because I want to be though, I am strong because God makes me strong. And I’m fed up of lying, and having fear in my mind, and feeling lost and uncaring and just feeling like the worst man on the planet. I’m tired of feeling nonchalant and even submissive to you. I remember reaching the point where I felt like I could not do anything, I just had to allow you to win each time and with each victory you gained I felt worst and worst. But, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! I believe that I can win. I believe that you are not as strong as you have tricked me into believing. I believe that I will win and by God’s grace I will win. So here’s what I’m going to do:
1) I’m going trust God to help me
2)I will be honest about my struggle
3)I will pray everyday
4)I will celebrate every day that I do not fall
5)I will have an accountability partner
6)I will not LIE!!!!!!
7)I will trust You and allow You to work in my life
8)I need you and I will stop trying to live and do this without you
9)I will not walk away from you
10)I will not just allow myself to spiral into sin and temptation without calling on your name
11) I will call upon your name in all times
12) I WILL EXPERIENCE THE VICTORY BECAUSE YOU WON THE VICTORY FOR ME!
I’m tired of giving a half-hearted effort to something that is whole-heartedly trying to ruin me, my relationship with my girlfriend and the marriage I want to experience with her. She doesn’t deserve this, our children (in time to come) do not need to have this generational curse attached to their lives. The curse ends here. I do not know if my father struggled with it or if his father did, but what I do know is that I don’t want my children to struggle with it and so by the grace of God and the strength of Jesus Christ I call myself into resurrection even now. I declare my resurrection by the power of Christ living in me and I break the chains of bondage to sexual immorality, pornography and all other sexual sins in the name of Jesus!
You will not ruin this pastor’s life anymore. You will not ruin my ministry! You will not ruin my witness! You WILL NOT WIN!!!
Oh, and one more thing, the grip you have on me that causes me to constantly lust after my girlfriend and seeks to drive me to desire sexual immorality with her, that’s done too! I’m hereby serving you an eviction notice, I no longer want/need/desire/wish to have you in my life or be in anyway associated with you. We are through! Through Christ, who enables me to do all things, I claim His strength and I command you to leave. I will live victorious in and through Jesus and today, April 21st 2016, is just day ONE (1). We are through! Saddle up your things and go! Goodbye!
NO LONGER YOURS TRULY!!!
(We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony)
Letter from my sex addict:
LOL..hey bro…good job. That was a really passionate letter you wrote there, and I’d almost applaud you for a seemingly intense letter. However, we’ve been here before…we both know that you will be good for maybe 2 weeks to a month but then inevitably you’ll be back in my arms, and loving me as if you’d never left. You’ll be back to feeling sorry for yourself and once again I’ll have you helpless and depressed. I’ll mess up your relationship and your thinking which is the area I try to win. More importantly, because of your shame you won’t want to pray or read the Bible which is absolutely perfect! Before you know it, you won’t be able to fight anymore and you’ll free-fall helplessly into my loving arms. I’m always gonna be here. It’s because of me that you can’t help but lust. It’s because of me that whenever you stop reading the Bible and praying that you end up watching pornography or pictures of half-naked women. Can’t you see? This is all my work and I’m so proud of you for allowing me to mess up your life so comprehensively. I’ve seen you speak about “this is the last time” and I’ve smirked smugly because I’ve heard this before. I’ve enjoyed watching your efforts to succeed but I’ve loved watching you fall. I expect that this is just another attempt and I say the same thing now that I’ve said each time before, good luck,
I’m sure you’ll fail but go ahead, prove me wrong! if you can…
So until I see you again, good luck!
Here’s to you proving me right! Or maybe, just possibly, you proving me wrong.
1) I’m not going to just let you go easily
2)I’m going to be at every turn you make
3) I’ll do all I can to disappoint you
4) I’ll encourage your depression
5) I’ll make your girlfriend hate you
6) I’ll make your friends/family disown you
7)Your ministry will fail. Your pastorate will fail. I’ll steal your witness. You will never be able to minister whole-heartedly before people because your sin will always keep you in bondage.
8) Your relationship with God is going to be lost
9) I am going to be persistent
10) I will break you
So I’ve heard all you have to say and I hope you’ve heard all I said. So we know where each of us stand. Let’s see who wins. Have a great day brother
Always Your Best Friend in Sin,