Letter to myself:
So basically, you’ve pretty much had me had a choke hold for a few years now. I’ve had my bouts. There were times I could live without you and there were times I couldn’t. I’m so angry at this pornography industry and how it wraps people up. I’m so angry at what it does to these girls and guys. It’s just not right. Here I sit…in the midst of another bout with pornography…and it sucks. Honestly, I hate your sex addicted self. Let’s be honest here. I hate that you feed this industry. I’m just fed up with it. I’m tired of subjecting myself to this stuff. There is little triggers and then it becomes full blown. It’s funny how you hit when I’m lonely and starving for attention…like sex on a screen is really gonna heal that. It’s funny though how sometimes pornography isn’t enough….and then it becomes sexting with guys…and then it becomes sleeping around. It’s funny how pornography and sex warp your mind and eat you alive. I never thought it was that bad until within the past year. But I want to be free…I don’t want this addiction to ruin my self-esteem anymore than it has…and I don’t want it to harm my relationships and my relationship with my husband. The truth is I believe in God and God has the ability to set anyone free. I love him. I find peace and hope in him. So I set my faith in Christ. I set my faith in Christ that he will break the chains once and for all through this 30 days challenge. I’m not claiming an easy fight…or that temptation will never be there…but I BELIEVE Jesus is breaking chains. So how do I plan to be free from you?
Spend time with Jesus. First and foremost He is my strength. He is the one that gives me the true love and attention that I so desire. He is quick to rescue and filled with love and grace and strength. He is my strength in my weakness…and it’s beyond comforting.
Accountability. I plan to actually be vocal about my struggles with some people. The more vocal you are…the more people can actually help you. It’s quite a funny concept. Be vocal and you will find people wanting to help you.
Rid yourself of the stupid apps and limit your time on the internet. Set up those limitations, Kari. Those apps on your phone like Tinder are honestly very pointless. You know how you deserve to be treated and it is not like an object. Also, you know that your temptations come later in the evening…so why be on the computer during that time? If you absolutely have to be on the computer…than be on the computer in public…so you don’t have the temptation to pull up a porn site.
These are just some things I plan to do. Freedom is such a sweet word. It’s such a sweet desire and I long for it. I no longer want to be broken because of sex. God created sex to be something so beautiful and wonderful…and yeah, it’s not perfect..but when it’s with the right person…it’s incredible. God created it for that. He didn’t create women’s or men’s bodies to be objectified and put up for show for all the world to see like how it is viewed in pornography. God will set you free. Trust in Him. Trust in His strength. Trust in His power. And you will be free. You will no longer be an addict. That is not your identity. So leave that label at the door….and take on the label as a free, follower of Christ…saved and redeemed by Jesus himself.
Letter from my sex addict:
Wow. All I can say is wow. Freedom is possible. It’s all over the Bible. Jesus set people free. Jesus saw people in the midst of their sin and said I love you. But one question I am going to challenge you with and Jesus challenged others with is: DO YOU WANT TO BE WELL?
IF YES. Then just as the lame did in the Bible. Pick up your mat and walk.
So do you want to be made well? YES.
Get off that computer. Delete those apps.
Go be well.
Walk in the sweet freedom of Jesus Christ.
Sin has no hold on you.
Pornography has no hold on you. Sex has no hold on you. Sexting has no hold on you.
None of it.
You know your triggers. You know what you need to do. You have accountability at your hand. You have such supportive people in your life. You have the ability to overcome. Christ is in you. He is guiding and leading you and you will overcome.
So walk. Be made well. These things really do have no hold on you.
Defeat the lies with truth.
Seek His face.
Know who He is and the power that He has.
You are already victorious. So walk in it.