Letter to myself:
Dear sex addict,
You know what your addiction is wrong. You hate it but it’s hard to win the battle once the thoughts enter your head and start knocking on the door. You know what you do now affects your life in the future, and you want to change deep down, but once the devil knocks you struggle to win. I hope you learn to remember that God won’t allow temptation to knock if you don’t have the tools and ability to beat the temptation. Your mind is full of things you hate and you want to get rid of them, but you lose the battle. Every thing you look at shows how negative porn is and how it affects your mind. Its hard to get off your mind and you hate that it comes into your mind, except for the times you fall into the pressure. The good effects of this temptation last for such little time compared to how long the negative affects last. Its hard for you to remember how you don’t want porn addiction and drive for sex and feeling good to affect your future with marriage and children. I want you to have an amazing marriage and amazing life with your wife and kids, but if you get stuck in small sinful moments, then for one you can’t be prepared correctly for marriage and for two, it could ruin a marriage and your kids. I know you want to be better. I think the devil uses your love for people against you by seeing that you care for people that have different priorities, then allowing you to care about those people and get close with them, then tempt you to be perverse because at that point it is so easy. I think you need to try and, not be rude or stuck up to anyone but really invest in the relationships that may seem like they don’t need it. Invest in the people that have priorities right, they still struggle with things but if you are with the right people you will do a better job of keeping yourself pure. I know its hard, but we both know your heart is to do what is right, this is just an area you have to work extra hard on. You have to want it and desire to do what is right because it is right. I think one of your strongest built in tools is your will for your future family. I know you want to make a girls life by how you treat her and this is part of that. Think about telling her how you finally realized how important it was to you to be able to stop your addiction and change the sexual desires to positive things. things like loving her and being a better you for her and your family in the future. Your family may not exist at this point, but your actions do affect them in the future, you know that, but work on remembering that when you are struggling. I know you want to fix this and be able to feel good…but remember the dream you have. The dream family you have is worth saving for some sexual pleasure, and even more than that, the dream girl you dream of is more than deserving of your hard work and saving yourself for her. You want her to feel special? Of course you do, think of this as a way of serving her and making her feel special, because that’s what it is to beat the temptation one temptation at a time. You wont be perfect, and I know that makes you sick, but all you can do is be better the next time. Its ok to expect to get it right the first time, in my opinion, but if that doesn’t happen you have to start over with square one and make the loss as minimal as possible. You have people rooting for you, your wife is praying for you to be what she needs in life, you should work on praying for her. You know you are to lead her spiritually and how can you do that if you don’t pray. Work on getting better, you’ve made progress I think this year, its just been that your struggle times have just been really low. Minimize the failure and constantly be praying and working toward getting better. You cant do it on your own. Use your tools, use your dad to help cause he wants to, remember that you want to help your wife and want to pre-preserve your marriage and family Always keep yourself busy, this is a good place to go to work on your troubles, it has helped up to this point, just keep getting better! The sex addict in you doesn’t have to have control, its all a big lie, you know that, just keep reminding yourself of that because when you beat this there are going to be much greater rewards.
The person you really want to be.
Letter from my sex addict:
Dear struggling sex addict,
I want complete control over you. I want to make you feel good, help you relax. You don’t need a family a job or a happy wife in the future. As long as you have me, we can go for miles, you can get deeper and deeper in with me and cause you big problems. Its ok to do now, you aren’t married, you can stop later. I am all you really need, I can make you happy right away and you’ll never have problems getting happy.
Here for you always,
The sexual temptation