Letter to myself:
Dear prn addict,
You lied to me. You lied to my face. You told me that this life would be full of pleasure and excitement, and orgasm, and love…but you were wrong. Flesh, you have lied to me. bullied me, abandoned me, sought after my ruin, and is seeking to destroy my view of love, acceptance, pleasure, and excitement. You preoccupy me in the worst of ways, you take away my time from mom, dad. sis. nana, Elizabeth, and most importantly, Big Daddy. You have taken and continue to take my joy away, you take my lifeblood and replace it with cold ice. Empty satisfaction is all you are, and all you will ever be. You are powerful, I will admit. You have kept relationships at bay like wormwood with his patient…you are a monster. A monster made of the most beautiful and voluptuous woman I and satan himself could think of. I want you gone for good. I know that you are too powerful for my own effort, and I know that you can attack me at any moment with the same adulterous concept, just displayed in different images. You want me to describe what these women looked like on the internet in person, you want me to take pride in the filth that I have participated in, and to talk about it as if a normal occurrence. But that cannot be so. The cross has defeated you, and you know it. The cross has made your power ineffective, we both know it. So you cling to habit, you cling to old habit…and you cling to it for dear life because you know that is the on thing that holds me back. With God’s strength and not my own, He will end you. But alas I feel helpless because of you. You make me feel like I have to look and to actin order to have fulfillment when fulfillment was right there all along at that cross…and in my family…and in Elizabeth. You scare me to death because I feel that I cannot be accepted unless you are present, and need in order to function like a normal day. Cause to be honest…what you have made me done is horrid…and only leads to one outcome……eternal separation. You may have won many battles..but God has already won the war. You taste of honey, but you have the poison of vipers…in time you will lose. Day by day. Battle by battle. In God, we will prevail. I’m scared, truly I am. But that taste of true freedom will be so much better, and that’s why I must press on, never give up the fight, and give up you.
Letter from my sex addict:
So…what’s the big deal? All I have given you is pleasure all to yourself and at no cost! How can you NOT have pleasure when you don’t focus on yourself? You deserve those women, they obviously put their video on there for your enjoyment…and it’s not like you’re paying or watching just porn stars…you like real sex, real people! All this God mumbo jumbo and stuff….you think he won’t forgive you at all for this? Just once…just one little video…it won’t hurt…just lay down into this little trap and stay there…in this other world that only you apparently are allowed into..a world that not even God can enter…but he can! I’m tired of the trap, I’m tired of the shame, and the guilt….and the secrecy….and the history deleting. Fix me! Fix me before everything you have wanted and dreamed comes crashing down because of a dumb computer and false pleasure that isn’t healthy! You want a healthy lifestyle and relationship and body? Then quit it! Quit it now! Quit it before it destroys everything you love, and ultimately destroys your relationship with God! The cross has saved the literal power, but YOU have to decide to quit the habit!!!!!