Letter to myself:
Dear addicted self,
You have been a huge part of my life for more than over 30 years. You have caused me to hide my addiction from everyone by making me go into hidden places. You have forced me to steal pornographic material or use money to buy smut that should have been used for other life things. I never felt satisfied after as it always left me wanting more. Sometimes magazines weren’t enough and with the advent of the computer, your power only grew exponentially. Pictures and videos were free and at the click of a mouse. If i could abstain for any number of days, a little bit would suffice, but that never lasted. Sometimes hours would go by without me even noticing until it was one or two in the morning. You have had it easy for most of the time because I was in and out of a lot of relationships and had quite a few times when no one was around. You already ruined one marriage because simple porn wasn’t enough, you had to spill over into my new family and turn me into a peeping tom. I realized then, after it was too late, that you were a problem. I thought i could control you. I thought you wouldn’t rule my life. I thought i wouldn’t be tempted after narrowly escaping consequences that would have put me in jail or ended my life. Oh how i hated you. I cried to God for help then and he found me. I put you away for a while. I was in control now.
I was wrong, your ugly head reappeared. Because I lived alone and rebuilt my life and had a fresh start, you weaseled your way back in. I managed to keep you subtle and even controlled you when i started a new relationship. You knew it was only a matter of time before you brought me to that same bad place. Now you have destroyed another family and me with it. I hate you and want you out of my life forever. I want God to cast you into hell. I want God to make you pay for all the hurt you have caused her and the kids. All the time you wasted, all the guilt, pain, hurt, anger, and fear that you have caused me and anyone I have ever loved. You are not going with me any further, your journey stops here. .
Letter from my sex addict:
Dear me, poor me,
You think I’m going away? How will you get through the tough times and how will you get through your times of anxiety. Who will hold you hand. Its too easy to destroy you. In fact you always do it to yourself. You don’t need me when all you need is some spare time and a little imagination. Left on your own, you will end up where i would have taken you anyway. I’m not the bad one, everyone does it, you will convince yourself of this. And besides, what will God do? you don’t seem to be very afraid of him, let alone your personal consequences. You suck, you have no spine and would throw anything good away in exchange for me because it’s too easy. You only think you can beat me when it’s for damage control. Just like the situation you are in now. I’m tougher than you think.