It might sound strange to say this, but I believe recovery is a journey for the brave. I say that not to shame those who are not pursuing recovery, but to acknowledge the very real fact that for many, recovery requires facing down one’s fear. And while those fears vary from person to person, there are some common ones I often run into when helping people with their unwanted sexual struggles.
This is because recovery is a process of change. Change that encompasses one’s relationships, behaviors, and mindset. Change that threatens one’s comfortable lifestyle of avoidance and escape. The type of change that is needed if one ever wants to get over the wall of their addiction. And to be honest, that type of change can be very scary and keep someone stuck in their addiction.
So with that being said, the following are 5 of the most common fears I see individuals struggling with when it comes to their pursuit of recovery and change.
1. Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is a very common barrier to seeking recovery. This is because many people worry that despite their best efforts, they will eventually relapse and fall back into their old habits. And honestly, it makes sense, since relapse is often a part of the recovery journey. Consequently, this fear is intensified by the shame and disappointment relapse evokes in someone. The truth is that one’s addictive choices and habits bring with them an inherent sense of failure already, so inviting even more failure into one’s life is not appealing.
However, recovery is rarely a straight path, and setbacks are often a natural part of the process. Therefore, it’s essential to view relapse as a learning opportunity rather than a definitive failure, and to understand that resilience and perseverance are key components of sustained recovery. In the end, these “failures” are learning opportunities and can serve as small pitstops to a better and greater destination.
2. Fear of Change
As already mentioned, recovery is a process of change that touches on all areas of one’s life. This may mean having to alter one’s daily routines, social circles, and even identity. As such, the prospects of recovery can feel overwhelming because it requires leaving behind what has become familiar and comfortable and embracing what may feel uncertain and unpredictable. However, when one accepts the challenge of change and enters into their recovery journey with the right support systems and a structured plan, they can experience growth and open themselves up to new opportunities and healthier relationships.
3. Fear of Facing Underlying Issues
As I’ve said before on multiple occasions, porn is not the problem. Yes, it’s a problem, but not the main problem. This is because many addictions or sexual compulsions serve as a mask for deeper emotional or psychological wounds, such as trauma, unresolved grief, anxiety, or depression. Consequently, the thought of uncovering and confronting these issues can be terrifying, as it requires vulnerability and emotional toil. The truth is we repress these deeper issues for a reason—because it’s easier to bury or anesthetize them than to deal with them.
Recovery, however, demands that individuals face these underlying problems head-on, which can be painful and challenging. And while this fear is completely valid, it’s crucial to recognize that confronting the root causes of one’s addictive habits is a critical step toward healing, long-term recovery, and a better existence. This is where therapy and support groups can be of immense help because they provide a safe space for working through these difficult emotions.
4. Fear of Rejection
This one is a BIG one! That’s because the fear of rejection often runs deep for individuals struggling with addiction, particularly when it comes to the fear of others finding out about their secretive behaviors. Many people understandably worry that if friends, family, or colleagues knew the truth about their addiction, they would be judged, looked down upon, or even abandoned.
And this fear of rejection or ostracization can keep individuals trapped in their secrecy and shame, preventing them from seeking help.
Additionally, the stigma surrounding “addiction” and, in particular, sex addiction often compounds this fear, as society sometimes views these matters as moral failings rather than complex issues involving mental health and biology. This is why finding safe and supportive spaces where vulnerability can be met with understanding and support rather than rejection is so critical to sustaining one’s recovery efforts.
5. Fear of Living without a “Security Blanket”
While on one hand, porn and sex are awful long-term coping mechanisms, the reality is they can serve as an efficient short-term means for numbing difficult emotions, alleviating stress, or escaping from painful experiences. Consequently, the thought of facing life’s challenges without the crutch of one’s addiction can feel insurmountable. And it is this fear of losing one’s security blanket that can lead to anxiety about whether one will be able to handle emotional pain, conflict, or stress without resorting to old habits.
Therefore, it’s important to acknowledge this fear and begin developing healthier coping strategies, such as mindfulness, exercise, therapy, or creative outlets. Because, while these alternatives may not provide instant relief like porn or sex once did, over time they can lead to more sustainable emotional well-being and a sense of personal empowerment.
Ultimately, these recovery-related fears are completely legitimate. They are something that anyone seeking to make a change has to confront and overcome. And it is for reasons such as these that many abandon their efforts to seek a life free of porn and sex addiction. This is why I say recovery is a journey for the brave—because recovery requires you to step into the unknown and embrace the uncertainty that comes with such efforts. However, when you choose to do so and face down your fears, the results can be life-altering in the most positive way. Fear is real, but you don’t have to give it the last word in how you live your life.
And if you are looking for a safe place where you can start facing your fears, join us in the Live Free Community. Get all the support, connection, and teaching needed for your recovery journey.