Dear Dad,

You’re probably wondering how I’m doing.

It’s been a hard road since you chose to use porn the entire time I was growing up in your house, and beyond. I won’t lie. For a season, I went the promiscuous route myself and had many issues to face because of it.

But God got ahold of me and I haven’t looked back. After a lot of personal and spiritual growth, I came out of that lifestyle and those habits no longer hold me captive as they once did.

I got married. Had kids. I’m teaching my kids a different way to live.

I am breaking the cycle.

Since you never left that lifestyle, I never got to relate to you directly. It took me a long time to heal knowing we would never have an emotionally close relationship because you chose porn over me and Mom.

Some therapists have told me I have “Daddy Issues” and they’ll never resolve.

But God has shown me a different route to healing because His bible says… 

“…and such were some of you.”

I’m not that girl anymore, or as the bible would say, “The Woman at the Well.”

Instead, I’m redeemed.

I’m chosen. I’m beloved. I’m restored.

Prior to knowing Jesus, I used to attract the bad boys, who hadn’t left a life of porn addiction and promiscuity. Then I met Jesus. And just afterward, I met my husband.

My husband left porn from being in the XXXchurch community. He got accountability. He talked about it.

His friends have left porn behind as well. Now I see around me: 

Men who are willing to protect women.

Men who are willing to be held accountable by other godly men.

Men who are willing to vulnerably talk about their struggles with porn.

Men who change and remain changed because of God’s redemption.

Dad, you’ve been dead almost four years now. Our relationship never got off the ground because you chose not to leave porn behind.

Although it grieves me, I’m a different woman than I once was. God defines me as His daughter. Now I’m a Daddy’s girl in a healthy, loving, and pure sense.

I see good men, who love the Lord and want to leave porn behind, for good. Some of those men have taken me under their wing as a good, good father. They’ve sheltered my children too.

Porn stripped you of the ability to do that. But God provides.

God’s taught me a lot through fighting my way to a pure life after all these years. It’s still two steps forward, one step back. But all is not lost.

He’s taught me:

My sadness wasn’t safe so it turned to rage. But God healed it.

My pain was suppressed so it turned to numbness, depression, and hopelessness. But God healed it.

My loneliness was denied so it turned to helplessness. But God healed it.

My fear was denied so it turned to panic, mistrust, and paranoia. But God healed it.

God healed ALL of it!!

I learned how to feel my emotions, process my pain, and speak up with a strong voice. And I’ve taught my kids this too, so they can share all of their pain, sadness, anger, and anything else that comes up for them in the moment.

Dad, I wish you had joined Live Free Ministries to have a safe space with other men to talk about your emotions, work through the conflicts in your life, and learn self-awareness so you didn’t turn to porn and using women.

It might be too late for you now that you’re gone, but it’s not too late for the men who might still consider joining Live Free! This is why my kids and I regularly pray for the men and women like me who want sexual healing to be set free, just as my husband and I have experienced!

I just wanted to update you, Dad, and let you know that I’m actually doing really well. I’ve worked hard for the healing and exercised solid boundaries. God’s good!

As I said so many times in prayers and conversation, you’re forgiven for all of it.

God has redeemed every part of the pain in my story and there’s nothing you ever did that both God and myself couldn’t forgive. I’ll be forever sad that you made the choices you did, but I’m hoping to meet several men and women who make different choices and walk towards Jesus in community with others doing exactly the same, with victory!

Lastly, Dad, I want to thank you for teaching me what porn does to a person. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it weren’t for your struggles and I’m grateful for the many lessons I’ve learned.

I love you, Dad,

Your Redeemed Daughter