My recovery and the journey back to a loving relationship with my wife have been filled with many “forks in the road”, many decisions about which way to go. Sobriety in the beginning was about going an hour or two. Today it is really still moment to moment…it is about making GOOD decisions, decisions which honor God and honor your wife. Decisions which can change your past one day at a time, until you come to where I am today and I can say…I like my past and honor my wife.
Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
When I checked into the Meadows to get help, what they did was help me begin to see that I could choose how I behaved; I could choose the fork in the road. We live in a world today where we blame everyone else for our problems…If my mom this or my dad that…if we had more money…if we had less money…if, if, if, if… like somehow a change would have cured everything for us.
I read a book by John Dau called God Grew Tired of Us. It follows a little boy in Africa who after his village was gunned down, traveled over 1000 miles on foot through lion infested, militant infested jungles. Over 14 years he starved nearly every day, he feared for his life consistently traveling from refugee camp to refugee camp as the militants hunted down every man young and old in Sudan; death was a part of his life almost every day. He was finally given political asylum in the USA in 2001. He went on to get a college degree, have a family and lead a fight to bring health care to the survivors of this unimaginable slaughter.
You know, by all accounts, John Dau should be a basket case. This guy has all the excuses to fail!
Failure is a choice we control; it is just another fork in the road. We can choose a path which leads to Gods way or we can choose a path of destruction. It is a choice…it is many choices each day. Choosing the right path, leads to the life God has planned for you.
“For I know the plansI have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I recommend another book for all you men who are married or might be someday (I think that covers all of you). It is called The New Rules of Marriage by Terrance Real.
Terry Real and Pea Melody wrote a lot of the material they used at The Meadows and I find Terry’s book to be an incredible tool; his success rate in saving marriages in deep trouble is very high. Terry helps us realize that we have choices and his years of counseling experience really hits home as he uses the stories of real life couples who faced problems which you will find yourself saying “Hey we do that too!
Think of that time that your wife “went off on you”. You walk in the door, you can feel the tension and then she comes at you with you didn’t do this; you didn’t do that! The feeling is powerful, the anger and the fury rise over you like a wave…you are at a fork in the road and in the next split second you may have to decide; will you run your response or will it run you?
This book will give you tools to change the one thing which you have control over, the hardest thing to change in the whole world…YOU!
So go buy this book. Get your highlighter and start underlining all the things you need to change…DO NOT BUY A COPY FOR YOUR WIFE OR SUGGEST SHE READ IT! This is about you…this is about looking in the mirror…this is about you on judgment day…this is about changing your past one day at a time.
Is it worth it? You can always choose the other road…I have been on that road and so have you brothers…now, go invest in your marriage, go invest in your children.
Change your mind…change how you react…and it will change your life.
“Every God-begotten person conquers the world’s ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith. The person who wins out over the world’s ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God” (1 John 5:5, The Message)
God bless you great men of God,